Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Welcome home.


Pan Echeverría

Don't fret about logistics everybody's tired and this is a fucking panic scene.

Rosa is sitting out in the truck whenever Sera arrives at the Chantry. Doesn't want to interrupt the priest in whatever it is he's doing in there. When she left him he was on the couch sweating profusely but had not popped a stitch so she acquiesced that yeah okay he could stay there and do whatever he needed to do but the doctor said he had to rest, Pancho, you got a health aide coming tomorrow, let's not dawdle.

The window is down and the keys are out the ignition and Rosa is not happy to see Sera but she does not pretend she is not there. She waves to her with a stone face and goes back to the knitting she's working on.

Since Grace has not had the pleasure yet and I just noticed her: a red 200- Toyota Tacoma sits in the driveway of the Chantry. A Hispanic woman in her late thirties sits behind the driver's seat. Her hair is pulled back into a neat bun. Her upper body is the only thing visible but even that gives her an administrative appearance. She glances at Grace but doesn't do anything to greet her.

And there's a big Hispanic guy sitting on the couch in the living room. He's dressed all in black and manages to look like he's in a lot of pain and not at all distressed about it at once. But Sera might also beat Grace inside. In which case -

Pan Echeverría

i'm gonna roll some shit and assume he did this earlier because YOLO.

[prime 3/corr 2/prob matter 1 or something: where the fuck is the person this fucking thing belongs to*

coincidental. base diff 5, -1 practiced, -1 appropriate resonance.]

*not the actual name of the rote

Dice: 3 d10 TN3 (2, 6, 8) ( success x 2 )

Pan Echeverría

[extending, +1 diff]

Dice: 3 d10 TN4 (2, 3, 9) ( success x 1 )

Pan Echeverría

[what are you, injured or something, you lazy fuck? i'll take it.]

Serafíne

SINCE WE ROLLING. Awareness.

Dice: 7 d10 TN5 (2, 3, 3, 4, 6, 6, 8) ( success x 3 )

Serafíne

Outside, Rosa waves to Sera and Sera waves to Rosa and these greetings are exchanged. Stone-faced Rosa, and Sera with a quick slashing half-smile that has an inchoate echo of worry and transferred, transplanted pain and so many other things but is also: maybe a little giddy.

She's so glad he's out of that place.

--

So: inside with her. Through the kitchen, her eyes half-closed, her head half-cocked, like an animal listening to a secret frequency no one else can quite hear. Feeling him. Feeling for him and following that feeling down to the living room. Almost breaks into a run. Feels, too, the lingering resonance of his work in the back of her skin and eyes.

"Pan!" There's so much wrapped up in his name, it sounds like a sob and so very pleased and god, he still looks so, so bad. Sera exhales sharply. She's about to hover, as people do in a sickroom. Comes to the back of the couch can cannot stop herself from hugging him around the shoulders and from behind. From resting her forehead for a long, silent moment against the back of his skull.

Christ, maybe she will start to cry again.

Grace Evans

[Awareness! Hope my internet doesn't hork!]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (3, 4, 6, 7) ( success x 2 )

Grace Evans

Grace has no freaking idea who most of these people are, or why Rosa is out in the truck, or whose truck it is. She only really knows that she wants to visit the library, not people.

Her own red Toyota (corolla) gets parked, and Rosa gets a smile anyway. Best to be nice, even if it's not returned.

She's got that laptop bag she drags everywhere, and is wearing a shirt today that reads "i have not yet begun to procrastinate".

Shirt, jeans, sneakers, laptop bag, and girl trundle up to the Chantry's door like it's any other day. And by now, she has learned this is a place where one does not need to knock. She just blows right in...

And God, what is that. Power, lingering in the air, and potency, and she's never quite felt anyone like this before. The scene of Sera bending over a broken man then, and again Grace feeling like an outsider in this place.

She clears her throat a bit, like, 'hey, someone else is here'.

"Uh, hi."

Pan Echeverría

Everybody looks awful when they're laid up. Now that he's back in his street clothes he doesn't look vulnerable and caged up. But he isn't heavily medicated either. His shirt is looser on him and his knees are sharper where they press against the denim. Though he feels her approaching Pan does not get up to greet her.

If he flinches or grits his teeth or chokes back a pained noise she knows no better.

That however is Grace's introduction to the priest: sat on the couch and being hugged from behind by a raw-nerve Cultist and gritting his teeth so he doesn't let on that his head still feels like someone hit him in the back of it with a hammer.

"Hi," he says. When he speaks he has a liquid characteristic to his accent that makes pinning down his country of origin difficult. He also has a lingering brain injury. That doesn't help. "Forgive me for not standing, I'm a little under the weather. I don't think we've met."

Serafíne

Sera is wearing a tiny cocktail dress. It is: skintight with tiny spaghetti straps and a hem that ends approximately one inch from the top of her thighs and shows off, well, an awful lot of skin. The print is a dark crimson covered with flowers and she's wearing fishnets beneath and these strange high-heeled boot thingies that she walks in as if they were flats. Makes her like six feet tall, or at least five foot ten, which is five extra inches than she has any other right to claim.

There are a few tears in her eyes when she lets Pan go, lifts her chin and uncurls her arms from around his shoulders and bends forward once more to plant a very gentle and entirely thoughtless kiss on the crown of his head. His hair is probably greasy though surely they would've helped him shower before allowing him to leave the hospital. At worst someone dusted one of those dry shampoos through his mop, leaving it with that strange, reptilian hospital scent and a paper dry texture like an old woman's hands.

So there's that moment that Grace - feeling like an intruder - sees and Pan does not see but feels and feels as a shadow-skin of pain, as a background starburst from the lingering brain injury, which looks like prayer and Sera, straightening at last, inhales as she does so and glances back at Grace.

"Grace, this is Father Francisco Echeverría. Pan. Pan, this is Grace," Sera's eyes are shining. The tears haven't fallen. "This is Pan.

"Pan - are you - is Rosa waiting to take you back to the rectory tonight?"

Grace Evans

It's.. a bit obvious this guy has been through a lot. And in the interests of being polite, Grace chooses to ignore that completely, whether its the right instinct or not. Somewhere along the line, she just decided to handle social situations in conditional statements. When in doubt, ignore is better than retry or fail.

And so, she smiles at the suffering man, walking into the room so he can see her without having to move.

"Oh, no worries! You don't have to stand.." And why would someone have to stand, anyway? Her face grows a bit confused as if chewing over that one.

Sera introduces them, and the pain in that glance takes a bit of the smile away, or at least a notch of it.

"Hey, they kept telling me I needed to meet you," she says. "Looks like it's not exactly the best time... maybe..." And her eyes wander the room like she's looking for an out.

Pan Echeverría

"They did, huh?"

Sera is closer to him than Grace and can hear the effort in his breathing. Can't hear any agreement that this isn't the best time. His tone betrays his amusement but it is laden by the weakness of his flesh.

Now that they're in view of each other she can make out that the strong sense of light in the place is not so much from the windows but from him. He radiates the way a light does and feels warm the way a light does but it is not like the light and warmth of their sun. Nothing so distantly harmless or easily studied.

If Grace feels like she's standing in the harsh red light of a road flare or blinking into the face of an interrogation lamp no one would blame her. His resonance is not always an easy thing to tolerate.

Something occurs to him and he breathes heavy for the revelation and the inability to move his head without blotting out his vision with the threat of fainting.

"Ah... you're the one just woke up. You got a mentor, yet?"

Serafíne

"Have a seat and let him talk," Sera murmurs to Grace, taking her in at a glance and absorbing that hesitance, the way she studies the room looking for an excuse, a reason to slip out of sight and perhaps mind. There's affection and a familiarity to the way Sera slips her fingers through the priest's hair. A familiarity he does not reject, precisely, not that he also does not melt into, as one might with her.

The gesture is utterly thoughtless. He was so close to death and now she just wants to touch him or - something. Absorb his pain through her skin. Take his wounds as her own.

It's not a skill she has. It's not a magic she knows.

Not now.

Not yet.

But oh, she glances up suddenly, like waking up and drops her hand from his hair to the spine of the couch, fingers curling around the back, tips tucked beneath the cushions.

"I'm gonna go get you some water or something. You're staying here tonight, right? I'm going to call Katiana and tell her that you're sprung."

Sera cannot promise that the Verbena will come and heal him again but -

" - she's the one who healed you."

Grace Evans

It's like Grace just can't exactly... look at him. Not that she usually sits and looks people in the eye when she's talking to them, but there is this feeling like she's being judged, stared down with authority... And it grates against her. Even broken, he radiates.

The girl Whitney told her something about 'meeting a Junior' in their college-student-code. How everyone in the room would turn and go 'woah'. And yep, this guy must be... Or more than that. God, he practically glowed.

"I don't um... ah... I have a friend," she manages, and sits down on one of the solitary chairs, slinging her laptop bag off to the side. Sera apparently isn't going to 'let' her get away. Again, the grating feeling returns.

Grace looks up at Sera with this weird, 'wtf' expression when she hears her say he was healed by someone. This is after he's been healed? Oh, Hell.

"You were the the one in the hospital, weren't you? Must have been some dog.."

Pan Echeverría

Let's get one thing straight: he can barely walk. If this place were beset by Nephandi Pan could do the same thing that landed him on death's door in the first place. It would keep the others safe but it would kill him if his god saw fit to claim him. His god had already seen fit to claim him but his god also gave his friends and his family and others to whom he is bound if only by circumstance from another life the resources to keep him from Him.

That's the bitch about free will. It both serves as proof of and negates the notion of a divine plan.

Point is: he can Work. They can feel the searchlight sense of his magick staining not the air immediately here but if they go out back, to the Node. It takes him a long time to move from one place to the other because his entire body is screaming at him to lie still, you stupid asshole, you're in serious trouble.

But Grace says it must have been some dog that landed him in the hospital and normally Pan would have laughed but if he laughs he's going to throw up or pull his incisions loose and he doesn't have the energy to laugh that hard anyway. He smiles weak and breathes out a huff of laughter.

"Wasn't the dog so much," he says. "Dog was dead. The teeth, though."

And he turns to Sera and works a silver band off his fifth finger. Man big as he is has weight to spare but he's burning through it like a snowbound mountaineer burning through a lumber pile. His spare tire isn't with us anymore. His arms don't look so strong as they used to. He keeps losing weight that band will fit on his fourth finger soon enough. He doesn't have any other jewelry on his person. The priest isn't married.

He holds up the ring in fingers that shake and asks, "Her name's Katiana, huh? Don't bother calling her, I'm going to go talk to her myself."

That explains why Rosa looks like she's in such a great mood today.

Serafíne

"It was a pack of them," Sera clarifies for Grace. Does so with a dark flicker of close-set dark blue eyes beneath rather straight dark brows. Oh, the Cultist seems sober, but that is probably an illusion. At least when it comes to evaluating the number and depth of substances in her blood. Sober though, as an adjective -

- this spare half-smile that threatens to spill tears over Sera's lower lashes once more. " - someone always has to stand in front of people." With a glance at the priet's dark head. "Like a fucking hero or some shit."

Then Pan's holding up the ring and Sera's eyes snag on it, the glinting circle of reflective light. Circles the couch instead of disappearing into the kitchen, party girl in her slinky red dress tucking herself with a degree of care next to the big, injured priest.

"She gave you a ring," murmured with a look from the ring to his profile, a lashed glance. "Put it back on. You don't want to lose it and can hardly hold it upright. And you're in no condition to go wandering around the countryside looking for a witch.

"You can still barely sit upright. Oh Pan."

Sera's own injuries have closed. She pulled out the stitches Justin put into her arm, and perhaps Katiana pulled out the rest. Just new, angry looking skin covering the bite on her left arm.

Grace Evans

The dog was dead, but the teeth...

Grace's face twists into this mask of confusion, and suddenly she does meet his eyes, and then Sera's with a bit of admonishment. "Dead dogs did this?"

And nobody bothered to tell her anything. She could venture a guess why, maybe protecting her, not wanting to scare her, other bullshit excuses. All she got was a text saying that somebody was in the hospital, and Lena's vague mention of a dog attack.

But whatever. They weren't going to have excuses to keep things from her soon anyway. Ginger was coming along nicely. And if they didn't keep her in the loop, well... someone's icon might just get swapped with a picture of Dick Cheney. Or just a dick. On accident. Really.

The scene of Sera fawning over Pan like that... Grace's brow rose a tic.

"She is kind of right. You look like you should stay here tonight and get some rest. Not like, do stuff."

Oh yes... 'do stuff'. Fucking brain. She crossed her arms, as if to protect herself against shame...

Pan Echeverría

"Stuff's already been done. I know where she is."

He puts the ring back onto his fifth finger and leans back against the couch. Even if he were at his fighting weight with his intestines in no danger of busting out of their stitches and his head not pounding like he's finally regained consciousness after a bender and the comedown Pan hasn't made a habit out of arguing with unbelievers.

Back to the zombie dogs.

"Maybe... ¿hace cúanto, Sera, un mes?" He's telling the story to Grace but he keeps forgetting what day it is. "July, I had to bury a parishioner. Name was Eduardo. He died young. Came up from Veracruz but didn't have the papers he was supposed to have so getting him in the ground took a long time. And he didn't stay there. Day I was meant to come back to Denver his nephew came and got me. Said Eduardo was scratching at the door of his grandmother's house. I had to bury him a second time. Far as I know he stayed buried."

Leave it to a priest to go on at length about something other people can barely understand while in a state other people could not tolerate.

"I never found out why he got up again. Looked like some kind of ritual. Don't know why anybody would want dead dogs walking around again. The news say anything about it? Or the, ah, on the computer?"

And he's looking at Grace now, not Sera. She must look like she lives on the Internet.

Serafíne

"More than that," Sera murmurs back to Pan, shifting easily from the priest's Spanish to English and back again, like someone who was bilingual from an early age, rather than someone who learned a few lines in another language in school along the way. "You were in the hospital for two fucking weeks. You came back the day Jim and I tracked down the guy selling the PCP."

He isn't arguing with her and he's in no shape for her to attack him from behind and kidney punch him for being a fucking idiot, as she is wont to do when he is a fucking idiot, so Sera does not argue back either, but gives him a Look and maybe wishes she and Rosa were fellow conspirators rather than whatever-the-fuck they were.

"It's something old," Sera tells Grace. "An old grudge, an old anger. An old spirit or something. I had a dream about it the night before we were attacked. The moths and a figure dressed in owl feathers on the stump of a broken tree.

"Maybe that's it, the broken tree? That saturating sense of coagulated rage, and a rain like blood."

She is telling this as much to Pan as to Grace.

"But I haven't seen anything else. Haven't had any dreams about blood raining down from the sky either."

Grace Evans

The Spanish in her native Arizonian half-assed understanding went something like, 'how long ago was it, Sera, a month?' but she doesn't let on that she kind of knows what he says. He might start speaking too fast using too big words or something.

And then, the realization that he's talking about zombies. And human ones. Of course, Grace's brain doesn't exactly go to 'zombie' first. It goes to the lab. Human organs and nanotechnology, and the symbol H+. And then, oh shit, what if he's infested with 'bots. Her eyes grow big, but probably not for the reason they're expecting. She doesn't find it impossible.

"I did look at some news reports after Lena told me. They just said it was rabid dogs," she says, her voice is tinged with some small measure of fear, but there's a hardness there -- of a mind hard at work, putting pieces together.

"But there is some word I did hear from another source. There's a secret Technocrat bio-lab in Denver. They're researching human organ growth and nanotechnology, trying to upgrade people. Maybe they found a way to upgrade dead people."

She listens politely to Sera as she talks of spirits and trees and moths, and well... those would be metaphors, right? Something moth-y. Flying and feathers, and blood from the sky to say it's airborne... But that's as much conjecture as anything.

"Sorry, Sera... I don't know anything about broken trees. But it's all sky-stuff. Feathers and rain and moths and the tree. Maybe that has some kind of significance?"

Pan Echeverría

A secret Technocrat bio-lab in Denver. Researching human organ growth and nanotechnology.

And they wonder why the Chorister kept trying to break out of the hospital and is now sitting on a couch outside the city inside of lying in bed at the rectory. If he were smart he'd lie on a bed at the Chantry and let them try and coax the witch out to him but Sera is already convinced of how idiotic the man she adores is.

And then everyone in the scene got fucking tired and eventually Pan went back out to the truck and Grace went to the library and IDK Sera drank some whiskey and took a nap.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Discharge


Pan

Saturday, 24 August

A woman asking after Mr. Echeverría went into his room just past eight o'clock in the morning and left maybe ten minutes later. Not even. Went in just after the nurse making her rounds through the unit did. She held her hand over her nose and looked as if she had been weeping and the charge nurse thought nothing of it. Pretty and dark-haired, blue-eyed, in her thirties. Must have been one of his parishioners.

He came to with a silver thumb ring on his thinnest finger.

His heart rate and blood pressure and oxygen saturation levels all bottomed out and stopped at once. Upon further inspection the nurse found him broken through sedation, wrists freed. Triangular cloth bandages once tied to his wrists now tangled in with everything else. He had yanked off the electrodes taped to his chest and was removing himself from the rest of the tubes gone into his body when a silent alarm summoned a small cavalry.

For the first time since they wheeled him in here Echeverría had the appearance of one in possession of at least some of his mental faculties. When the nurse came towards him he held a palm out to her though he could not extend his fingers and his entire arm shook. To her it looked like he was trying to reassure her. He was pale and his hair was dirty and he could not catch and keep his breath even before he pulled the nasal cannula off his face.

Footsteps in the corridor. The boots of the security guards and the clogs of other nurses.

"Mister Echeverría--"
"¿Dónde estoy?" The nurse didn't answer. He said again: "Where am I?"

The door slid back further. He couldn't fight them off but they were not Technocratic agents. In the midst of them stood Ana Sánchez. At the sight of him upright she sighed and held up a hand to keep everyone else back. They left the room and she slid it shut behind them. Pan sat on the edge of the mattress and sweated for the pain in his midsection.

"What you think you're gonna do, huh?" she asked. "Hobble out of here with no pants and get on a bus?"
"I don't like hospitals."
"That's nice. Hospital's been keeping you alive the last week and a half."
"You were there. You know what happens in these places."
"I thought you said that... war, or whatever it was, was over."
"Claro, perdimos, pero eso no significa nada."

She stepped forward to raise the head of the bed so he could lie back. Were not for the rush of blood from his head he would have stayed upright. He closed his eyes until the swimming stopped and when he opened them again Ana had thrown the sheet across his lower body and locked her arms across her chest.

"What day is it, Francisco?"
"I don't know."
"What about the month?"
"I don't know."
"Who's the President of the United States?"
"The Democrat."
"And where are you?"
"The hospital."
"Which hospital."
"The one you work at."
"Uh huh."
"Why am I in here?"

Ana set her hands on her hips and lifted her eyebrows. Tilted her chin towards the bandage over his midsection.

"That," she said, "and you were bleeding into your brain."
"So that's why I don't feel so hot."
"Uh huh."
"Traigáme el papeleo, voy a casa."
"Oh, you think so?"
"Yeah."
"You're gonna feel a whole lot worse if you keep unplugging everything, Reverend I-Don't-Need-No-Doctor."
"I don't."
"No inventes, Pancho."
"No estoy."
"Yeah. No estoy. Don't know what month it is or how you got here but you think you're gonna sign papers and walk out of here."
"I am."
"Not right this second you aren't. We gotta talk to the doctor and find someone to drive you."

He drew a breath to argue and coughed instead.

"Throat a little dry?" she asked. "You were on a ventilator for four days. Don't move till I get back, you try and walk outta here you're gonna be right back on it in about twelve hours."

Pendejo estupido, she didn't say. She hadn't called him that since they were kids and if he were more coherent he would have heard it in her tone anyway. Pan went back to sleep and Ana hauled the door shut behind her.

Monday, 26 August

A battery of tests confirmed Echeverría was orientated to time and place and did not need oxygen therapy anymore but he was easily fatigued and prone to headaches and showed other neurocognitive symptoms of the event he'd survived. "Subarachnoid hemorrhage" was a phrase the doctors kept using.

After a long consultation with the nurse manager, the attending instructed the nurses to remove the various tubes and lines plugged into his body. They removed the stent from his abdomen. The IV would stay in his elbow until he went home. They moved him to a less intensive unit Sunday night. If he could behave himself there he could go home Tuesday morning.

---

Patience is a virtue and one he struggles with even as an ordained clergyman. But he does not try to break out again. They let whoever wants to come in to see him come in during visiting hours. The parishioners have sent flowers and candles and cards and more of them come in on Monday than were at his bedside on Friday because they know he is coming home soon.

Tuesday, 27 August

In the morning a nurse he has never met before will come in with a clipboard of papers and go over each one before she lets the priest sign them. He will be sitting on the edge of the bed in the cowboy boots and black jeans and button-down shirt that Rosa will bring for him and help him put on because he still has a healing wound in his gut. She will stand out in the hallway during this interaction.

Part of her will hope the nurse talks him into staying. He has visibly lost weight just in two weeks and they will be going over the risks if he leaves now and doesn't cooperate with the home health aide they've hired for him or go to his outpatient appointments: Cognitive deterioration. Infection. Sepsis. Death.

The priest will thank her for telling him all of this and then he will sign the paperwork and let her help him into a wheelchair. They will wheel him out of the hospital with Rosa carrying everything but the silver band someone left for him on Saturday. That he will keep on his finger.

In Rosa's sedan he will sit in the passenger seat and breathe heavy and not complain. Rosa will get in behind the wheel after she loads the trunk with the things she carried for him and then sigh.

"You are so stupid," she will say to him, and then she will take him not back to the rectory but to the Chantry.

Serafíne

Monday, 26 August

The corridors of the surgical ward to which the priest has been moved are sometimes packed with people. The entire League of Mary descends en masse, carrying with them baked goods and cassaroles and tidbits to tempt their leader's appetite. They do not understand, still, how badly he was injured, how very close he was to death, how a many who eats everything they thrust at him may not be tempted by pan dulces or homemade empanadas after his visceral have been rearranged by a pack of purportedly rabid and technically non-living dogs. The nurses and CNAs and residents and janitorial staff will eat well tonight.

He is in a semi-private room now and although there is no particular limit on the number of visitors a patient in this ward may have there are practical limitations defined more by the city's fire warden than hospital policy. So the League of Mary members take turns, slipping out into the corridor or perhaps retreating so far as the nearest waiting room to allow another believer or three to slip in for a decade of the rosary prayed in a droning murmur that competes with but does not defeat constant hum of machinery behind the walls of the room.

--

Then she shows up.

Mid-afternoon, bold as you fucking please, dressed in -

- well, they would perhaps be prepared to see her in her usual attire. A bustier and cut-off jeans, a cheap pleather skirt with a slip up to her ass and torn fishnets. Some combination of any or all of the above, plus calf-high boots with stacked heels and that definitively masculine swagger to her. The clothing that has the abuelitas of the Church of the Good Shepherd convinced that their priest has taken up on some level with a prostitute.

The more pious among them remind the rest of the story of Mary Magdalene. The rest share gossip about her appearances at the edges of their lives. Her behavior, her foul fucking mouth.

Instead, Serafíne is dressed in a tiny black dress so skintight she cannot possibly be wearing undergarments beneath it. It is sleeveless and black and lace and significant swaths of the dress are transparent or semi-transparent and other than the dress her arms and her long, long legs are bare and nevermind that the length is an illusion of sorts created by the five inch emerald green heels she wears and some physical accident that derives from the way she is put together but the shoes cost more than the hospital charge for this room for a single day and the cost of the dress would cover Mrs. Sanchez's August rent seven or eight times over and the clutch and the necklace -

the League of Mary no longer believes that Father Echeverría has taken up with a streetwalker.

They think he has taken up with a fucking call girl.

And Jesús Cristo, she is breathtaking.

And Dios mío, how she almost breaks down when she sees him, mostly coherent, sort-of-upright. All those tubs and - and - and - things removed, his body functioning more-or-less on its own.

[For reference, as witnessed by Jamie: Serafíne @ 6:13PM

Phobia roll Roll: 6 d10 TN8 (5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 10) ( success x 3 ) VALID]

Shoshannah

Monday

Shoshannah, too, is there. Dressed in a simple, white, just shorter than her knees dress with an aqua ribbon belt for accent, she's about as opposite of Sera as she can possibly be. She's also not allowed back into his room to see all the proceedings but when Sera arrives in that dress, looking like that (the devil you know always appears to be safer than the one you don't, doesn't it?), it's almost amusing to imagine the thoughts behind people's expressions. And Shoshannah, who wears her heart on her sleeve far more than most people know or care to read even as she's so intent on guarding the softest parts of herself, gives a relieved little sob of breath and disappears into the bathroom (or somewhere relatively private) for awhile when she finds out that Padre is awake - really awake. When she returns, her face looks well scrubbed and her eyelashes are wet.

It's only when that's done that she makes her way back to his room, and stands as out of the way as she can while still being near him. She doesn't say much, certainly doesn't make a scene, but she's such a presence that of course everyone's uncomfortable - up until visiting hours are over, anyway, or until she has to make room for the flow of visitors.

Tuesday Again, Shoshannah's there and maybe by now Padre does know more about how much time she spent sitting in the uncomfortable chairs by the elevators, though she doesn't mention it. When she left Sera's place, she'd told the Cultist that she wouldn't be back, that she was remiss in her duties at the Chantry and now that Padre's awake and at least sort of functioning there's even less point in her haunting the place. It's lucky, really, that Rosa happens to be driving Pan back to the Chantry; it means Shoshannah can ask her, all polite and prickly-distant, if she can hitch a ride back too. This is quicker and easier than hitchhiking, and cheaper than calling for a cab, and less of a nuisance (for the other people involved) than calling Sid or someone.

The conversation? That's none of her business. But you can bet she finds a way to have a hand on Padre - this girl who so rarely allows touch - the whole way back.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Healing

Serafíne

So, a strange number and her number and an odd hour, which is to stay past dinner time and later-than-you'd think. Because that is when Sera lives and breathes and makes such phone calls to strangers: later than you'd think. Or, in this case not a phone call. The first point of contact is a text message from a strange number, that buzzes in at 10:47 p.m. on a night to be determined by later agreement of the gods:

Text: Hi. We have friends in common. 1 has warm hands.

(Which is: Justin. He has such warm hands.)

Text: CAn we talk?

Katiana

It is a strange hour in the farmhouse for phone calls, and the stillness lays heavily across the old wood flooring, touches the details in the window sashing, hushes across unguarded thresholds where Kat is both too new and too old to have set up the seemings of wardings. It is a strange hour for phone calls, but not as strange as it might seem. Katiana has seen many strange nights that didn't really get going until well past the bewitching hour. Hell, Sera's call came at a downright respectable hour compared to some of the discretions of the Verbena's youth.

But the phone doesn't buzz. It can't buzz. There is no vibrate setting on the antiquated piece of hardware that is tethered to its handset with a curly-que cord. The text message goes no where, or perhaps it comes back undeliverable. Kat neither knows nor cares how the mobile telephone industry handles data sent to land lines. The first text dies in relative silence. (We have friends in common.) The second feeds that quiet. The third, if there is a third, probably confirms the echo of something Justin might have said.

Katiana is one of those Verbena. Katiana -- Herald, Scion, Healer -- is of the Old Ways. Katiana is the type of Elder that you send a raven for, or an apprentice out into the woods to find, or send up smoke signals for... not text messages or email. So eventually Sera reaches out with a call instead of a text, and the heavy-set touch tone rumbles to life with a bell-like ring (still struck from metal, and rattling), and she answers.

There are formalities, of course. "Hello?" The polite trading of names and acquaintances. "Yes, that's me." Pauses, thoughtful, but then over-ridden by some underlying (caregiver) nature. "Justin said someone might call."

Pleasantries couched in a sort of kindness and the general texture of patience lead into more direct questions. "Where is he?" There is the sound of practiced movements from Katiana's side as she gathers implements and supplies into her old, weather-beaten tool box, which was destined for her old, weather-beaten truck. The hint of a horrible efficiency is there, subtly evident to a well-tuned ear, but Sera is likely too young to know its measure. For that, at least, Katiana can feel grateful.

The bed of her truck already contains the essentials: Her staff. Her boomstick. A duffle bag a with a few changes of clothes, dark hair dye, and some cash in non-sequential bills. Katiana has already turned Liath out of the barn. In case. Just in case. So she can be ready for whatever for Sera answers...

Fr. Echeverría

The chain of bodies between the patient and the waiting room is not long but it is forged of something thicker than steel. Red tape and health information protection legislation. A son who does not fear the depthless shadow of the Technocracy the way people Pan's age or Kat's age learned to avoid it. People their age may as well sit white-haired in rocking chairs telling tales of hiking five miles to school in the snow without shoes.

Been the same song since Sunday: doctors are sedating him. No one but family in to see him until he's coherent. When he isn't sedated he pulls the EKG leads off his chest and the IV out of his arm and he can't do anything about the Foley catheter or the stent that's draining pus out of the hole in his lower right quadrant or the central line they jacked into his vena cava because it's hard to feed someone solid food when he has a chewed-up intestinal tract and no clue what day it is or what he's doing in the hospital.

It was either that or wrist restraints and nothing to dull the pain. The family voted for sedation. The family is one person.

---

On the most recent of the occasions that Sera tried to visit she found that the charge nurse did not roll his eyes at the sight of someone unrelated to the big priest. He's less big than he was a week ago. Hard to put on weight when you're being fed through a tube in your torso.

No one will discuss his case with anyone besides Rafe but Ana told her at one point not to get him too worked up. She figured out soon enough that F. Echeverría was still feeling the effects of what dropped him that day in the park. Not confused anymore but blunted and bleary and no longer boasting the energy to open his eyes. If they spoke it was not at length and his Spanish was slurred and he had no strength to grip her hand if she went for it. Won't remember talking to her later.

That wound in his gut has not improved. He looks a wreck and even worse for being in the hospital. Too tired to try to break himself out anymore.

Sera can only stay about 15 minutes before someone comes by to kick her out. They have to change something or check something or administer something. Go away, stranger. You are not family.

Serafíne

Don't get worked up, is brilliant advice and Sera (who is tense and anxious and white-knuckled and whose heart rate is up and whose breath comes in short little bursts when she works up the courage to try try try to see the priest which is rewarded this time by seeing the priest, which, it turns out, it not such a reward.) intends to heed it. Fell a little bit in love with Ana over the awkward hug and something about the weight of her patient exasperation, something about whatever solidity Sera sensed behind the reassurance that he was not alone. Something, god. Something. See: she intends to heed the advice but Jesus Christ.

The way he looks in that hospital bed. All opened up and torn apart and pale, so fucking pale. That fucking hospital gown wrapped around his body it has stupid little fucking ugly faded blue flowers on it. She hates it. He is supposed to wear black.

He has been in the hospital for a fucking week and he looks worse than he did the night he collapsed and she tried to catch him and could not do more than cushion his fall. Manages to hold back her tears long enough to get kicked out of the hospital room but then: le deluge.

--

That's the night she goes searching again. Calls Justin and hears about Kat; or Táltos, see. That's the night Sera sends fruitless texts out into the ether, all that data dissolving, disappearing into an old fashioned handset with a metal bell in a plastic case.

"Uh you didn't get my texts did you?" is one of the first things Serafíne says to Katiana in non-text form. The conversation opens up from there, however. Late-but-not-too-late, which means that it is just the beginning of Sera's evening. Or would be if her evenings were ordinary, which they are not.

She is: outdoors, in a garden that is varyingly overgrown or drying up depending on the general level of rainfall in Denver this week, sitting on her cabana bed. She has been crying. They exchange names and she is Serafine-call-me-Sera she mentions Justin (who has gone back to Wisconsin, some emergency, and did you know he never told her where he was from until he was leaving? cryptic bastard) and "Táltos the táltos" precisely like that and so it goes.

--

Where is he?

"Denver Health Medical Center."

She has been crying, though not throughout the phone call. Saying the name of the hospital, though, that almost starts her up again and the hitch-and-promise of tears may come through the phone line. Or perhaps not: the crackle of an imperfect mobile signal sizzling through a hooked-up landline. Who knows.

"They have him on so many tubes. And - and things. I - I can meet you there. There's this park across the street. Or you can pick me up?" If the latter option is preferred: well, Sera gives Kat an address, too. Somewhere in CapHill.

--

(Just for reference: Sera will not make it into the hospital tonight, so saving this for the later IC post, heh.

Twilight @ 10:36PM
Private Message to Twilight
WP for second trip to hospital!
Roll: 6 d10 TN8 (1, 1, 3, 7, 7, 7) ( fail ) VALID)
since that is a botch.)

Katiana

"Uh you didn't get my texts did you?"

The older woman pulls the handset slightly away from her head and glances at it meaningfully, before bringing it back to her ear so she can hear Serafine-call-me-Sera clearly again. A number of replies cross her mind, but she settles on: "I don't really text."

It seems polite, if urbane. The world has changed since Katiana was last in Denver, or at least so she tells herself. And that's a good thing, or so the prevailing wisdom goes. And then:

"Denver Health Medical Center."

She pulls the phone away from her head again, but the look she gives it now is downright baleful. Narrowed eyes intent and unforgivingly focused on the tiny holes in the handset, lips thinned down to nearly nothing, jaw set, nostrils slightly flared. The first reply Serafine (not Sera just now) receives is a sharp and measured exhalation, tense but undeniably kinder than the flood of words that rising like bile at the back of the Elder's throat.

It takes a long moment to swallow them down, and in that heavy silence Serafine (not Sera just now) is alone with her thoughts and her visceral fears. Katiana (not Kat, not call me Katia) is likewise alone with her own. And so the past intermingles with Sera's report.

While Sera explains Pan's status in terms only a friend or family member would think informative, Katiana opens an upper cupboard and slides out a leather roll. She delicate unties the strips of leather than bind it, and unrolls it on the counter. From this, she withdraws two very sharp blades and tests their bite gingerly with her thumb. These are hidden close to her body, under her clothes but ready. Always ready.

"I'll pick you up," she tells Sera. Kat gets the address from the Cultist, but she does not google it to map it. Instead she pulls out a paper tome, looks the street name up in the index, opens to the prescribed page and runs her finger along the grid of map squares until she finds the location. This isn't magic; it's not even scrying; it's the slow and predictable pace of an unplugged life.

Then, more gently, and with a measure more concern than outright she's shown for Pan's well being: "Have you eaten, Sera?" The girl's name is carefully said, gently, cradled almost. Perhaps now Sera feels that her call was well placed and not sent off to some unfeeling Elder. If the girl says no, then Katiana will bring her a sandwich and a small side of garden vegetables to eat on the ride over to the hospital.

--

Katiana's truck is an old and lumbering thing. Its design speaks to a simpler time. It is weather-beaten and rusted; the paint has faded and shows variation based on wear. But it goes. And it is reliable, more or less. Though the tool box -- equally weather-worn and faded -- in the back bed may worry Serafine just as much as the mostly-disguised shot gun.

That sandwich is wrapped in parchment paper, and the veggies are collected in a mason jar. They wait for her on the front seat, along with a lidded mason jar of something that looks like faintly tinted water, and tastes of strawberries (and a faint note of gin) and something herbal. It soothes going down, and quiets a bit of the anxiety -- if Sera will drink strange brews from a strange Verbena. Even Cultists have their limits, when they succumb to common sense.

Kat seems younger than her years, sharing that warmth and faintly anachronistic feel of most Life mages. Right now her hair is bound back into a loose and messy chignon. Her jeans are clean -- unmuddy, really -- and dark hued. Her blouse is a soft rose color, very feminine but contrasted with a black leather jacket that is broken in enough to be an obvious favorite. Her feet are in boots. Always in in work shoes. This time they are black, but still obviously work boots. When they reach the hospital, Katiana pulls the toolbox to the edge of the truck bed and opens it to reveal tools, of a different sort than wrenches and drivers. She slips some of these things into the pockets of her small messenger bag. These movements are very practiced, very familiar, perhaps worryingly so.

The Verbena pulls a tarp over her belongings, to hide them from obvious view, though it is unlikely that anyone would think to rob her. The truck feels like she does -- tarnished, antiqued around the edges, a little past her time.

"Are you ready?" she asks, with a tangle of anticipation and careful patience. The hospital looms in her field of vision, twice its height and infinite it depth. Its windows have imagined snipers; its hallways all lead to the same place.

Serafíne

That grid-bound map takes Kat through the city proper, into a leafy neighborhood full of early to mid century homes, apartment buildings, duplexes, and renovated condominiums. The streets are leafy, tree-lined and the trees are old enough that nobby roots have buckled the sidewalk. The specific house in question is three plus stories, a solid old brick foursquare. There's an oak tree in the backyard taller than the house, and the front yard has the crawling appearance of a beloved garden gone rather to seed. Two people on the porch steps, waiting - a guy and a girl and they are sharing a cigarette between them and the smoke curls up, becomes translucent beneath the porchlight. The guy is tall, is bearded, is skinny, and is covered in tattoos. The girl is not tall, but fakes it see. She's skinnier than he is and Kat can feel her from a half-block away and she feels a bit like a wound except: the sort you welcome.

The sort you savor.

--

There is a unicycle on the porch and a bicycle with a lock wrapped around a brick pilaster and metal porch furniture circa the 1950s that has been spatterpainted and a rather quaint porch swing and - and - and -

soon as Sera feels Katiana's resonance, sharp and aware and alive and stands, handing off the cigarette to the guy, bending over to kiss him on the crown of his blond head. He takes another drag, watches Sera as she ambles down the front walk, the last few steps to the sidewalk, slips between the parked cars to the truck and opens the passenger's door. "Hey," a little bit breathless, as you might expect when greeting a stranger. There's a moment's pause where the girl just - breathes, right? breathes in through her nose and exhales through her mouth, where her eyes, which are dark-without-definition now, and ever-so-slightly bruised, flicker over Kat, from the crown of her head to the what can be seen of her boots in the pooled shadows of the floor of the truck. Then, with the sort of committed heedlessness you might expect from someone who feels like Sera, she flashes this quick, tight, grateful, engaging smile, and climbs right in.

"Thank you," before she has touched or noticed the sandwich, the vegetables, the lidded mason jar. Before she has noticed anything except Katiana. "Seriously, thank you." There are tears of gratitude in her eyes, but she swallows them, breathes out sharply, and looks away.

Sera eats: part of the sandwich, though not as much as she should. Some of the veggies ("shit, these are really fucking good") with a note of surprise at the richness of their flavor. Sniffs at the liquid in the lidded mason jar, and asks maybe what it is, and drinks it down. Entirely.

You see, she rarely succumbs to common sense.

During the drive, Sera tells Kat some of the story. Enough that the Verbena is able to pull at least three-threads from it: that they were attacked by a pack of dogs; that the dogs were not alive; and that as bad as his wounds from the dog attack were, Franciso Echeverría was still standing, after.

It was the snap-back of reality that brought him to the ground.

--

The truck pulls up outside the hospital and the hospital looms as hospitals do, dark against the smear of the city's glow behind it. Holds herself up in the cab, one hand wrapped around frame of the door, then jumps down to the pavement with a thoughtless physicality, with a surprising grace.

She's dressed in tiny denim cutoffs, and slightly torn fishnets, and fairly flatheeled Doc Martins so there's no particular illusion of height about her. An old Joy Division t-shirt, white, over a push-up bra, black, with a black leather choker and a bicycle chain wrapped around her wrist several times by way of a bracelet. The scent of clove cigarettes and the herbal brew on her breath, against her skin. No tools, no weapons, nothing except herself and a nervous energy that just gathers and builds while Kat sorts through the items from her toolbox in the bed of the truck, work a nervous hand through her blond curls, threading her long fingers through them, breathing breathing breathing and

Are you ready?

"Yeah," Sera nods, and her voice is tight and her body language is tight and she says it with this inherent conviction because she means it, because she wants to mean it so very, very much.

Says it with passion, the sort that approaches grace, but with each step they take toward the hospital, Sera's body language grows sharper and more taut until she looks as if someone has opened her spine and all its minute articulations up with a needle and when they are on the sidewalk, say, fifteen or twenty or thirty feet from the entrance. Close enough to smell that blown-out sterility, the chemical-laced air conditioned scent of the place when the automatic doors open for a family clotted around a heavily pregnant woman in a wheelchair, chatting happily and/or worriedly about labor, Sera stops, stock-still. Heart in her throat, spine like a whip, breathless with an anxiety so pounding and immediate it makes her ears ring. There's a sharp, aching pressure beneath her sternum and she keeps breathing breathing breathing in, but hardly seems capable of getting enough oxygen inside her.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I can't go. FUCK. I can't go in with you. I - "

Tears again, though tight this time, and Sera is shaking and tense and miserable and terrified and fucking ashamed of herself and her arms are now wrapped tightly around her midsection and she looks like she is ready to bolt. To flee in fear. Or break down, entirely, if she goes even one step closer to that entrance.

" - I'm sorry, I thought I could. I just - I can't."

Katiana

During the drive, Kat says as little as she can get away with. She lets Sera ramble, taking the flood of words as they come or braving the silences without self-consciousness. She is steady, solid, resolved without being cold. Kat listens acutely to the amble-shamble of Sera's limbs, to the dark-without-definition in her eyes, to the bruising around them, to the way she picks at what she eats yet drinks with abandon. She's been listening since the tingle of Sera's resonance -- so abrupt and clear and new -- washed over her awareness.

So she is not too terribly surprised when Sera -- who has summoned her here, to this edifice of artificial health and imprisonment -- falters and stumbles and cannot, Will not, enter.

That drought, by the by, is more than simply spirits and something. It soothes, calms, works a quiet warmth through her senses and limbs. A prelude to sleep, perhaps, but not the precise cause of it. It mingles in an uncertain way with that look of I'll deal with you later that is not quite anger (but perhaps quiet anger) or exasperation, but dances somewhere close to it.

Fuck. [You] can't go in with [me].

Of course you can't. Of fucking course you fucking can't.

But this is not what Katiana says, or even what she thinks in conscious words. It's more of a keening, deep within her bones; the wailing shrieking frustration of a thousand lifetimes of love and loss and vengeance; unforgiving of unforgivable transgressions. It is a pre-emptive I told you so from a part of herself that is both identity and other, a red-haired fury: War. These things do not need words, or discrete feelings. And this war with War has been an on-going and riotous thing within her since she was younger than Sera is now.

What Sera sees is this: The Disciple pauses, watching the Cultist devolve into panic and hysteria. Warm hands, strong arms enfold her as Kat redirects her to the truck cab. She finds Sera's eyes for a moment, and holds that gaze with the surety of her own.

"Stay here." She says. It's not a question. "Watch the truck, and try to get some rest." It's not an either or proposition. "These are scary places, and no one expects you to save the world... today." The corners of her mouth turn up, just slightly, in what ought to be an inside joke -- if Sera's resonance bespoke her strength and that held any relevance to her experience.

Once the girl was settled, Katiana turned the side mirror of the truck's passenger window out a little and used her fingertips to wipe away a bit of the grime. This was a practiced thing, this seeing without seeing, this looking through but not into. Her breathing leveled, slowed, and the threads of her resonance came more sharply into focus:

There is the taste of metal-in-the-mouth to her, a turned thing, a Tarnished thing. Older than its seeming. Patina-ed, one would say, in a kinder setting. A sort of grey-dark flush to the edge of something silver. A vignetted photograph -- the word spelled out with all of its letters, here, is also significant.

There is the touch of more to her. More, as they all are. More, as they all long to be. Unsleeping and alive. Rising to be ever so much greater than she seems. Building towards Breaking. A cycle within herself, like suntides or moonswells. A clarion call rooted deep in her bones.

It builds, catching Sera's heartstrings up in it. All heart-in-mouth, heart-in-hand, until the rote snaps off with a finality (Breaking) that barely seems to hum as it lingers.

She turns the mirror back toward the truck, places one hand on the side of the doorframe and repeats: "Stay here. Watch the truck." Nods once before she closes the door. And then: "If I'm not back soon, find help." She does not add: Find all the help you can, and gods above I hope you have a few more Disciples in your pocket.

---

Katiana could count on her fingertips how many times she had stepped foot inside a hospital, despite quickly running out of digits when enumerating how many times prevailing wisdom (call 9-1-1) might have landed her there. Her nose flared at the medicinal-not-clean scent of it. Its brightness and white-greenness and sameness was unnerving. How Sleepers expected their bodies and souls to heal in a place so stark and -- just say it, Kat -- Technocratic was beyond her. Nature held little sway here, which was about to make the Verbena's life much, much harder.

She paused in the lobby, knowing full well that the mindless orbs of the security cameras had seen her now and this, this was the point of no return. If some thirteenth floor tactical unit had not already been scrambled to tackle her where she stood, well, then she could exhale and silently thank the Adept who had drilled a bit of Arcane slip-step into her outward seeming.

She exhaled. No SWAT team. Moving on.

There were benefits to having a sense of authority and direction in a place where everyone expected you to be distraught and unaware enough to actually drink the lunch room coffee (disgusting). Better yet when the specifics of your appearance slid just slightly sideways in the mirror of the mind once the exchange had passed. Eventually -- and it wouldn't be easy, or fun, or particularly quick either -- Katiana would find that one member of the staff who would succumb to a measured mixture of Leadership and Intimidation. There is always one. (On this mission, that One was Watching the Truck, and Calling for Help.)

Serafíne

Katiana's fear of the hospital is rational and measureable and more importantly: wise. It is the bastion of a long-known enemy; it is enmity itself to her own ways. There is nothing green in there; and nothing grown, and nothing growing except that which grows in the artificial media of petri dishes and nutrient baths and is then folded into blocks of paraffin or stained and smeared between glass slides to be examined and evaluated and Known. The windows do not open and the doors never stop closing and the lights in those cold and sterile hallways are always on. Life starts well before dawn for a vitals check and continues without regard for diurnal rhythms, all day and all night and all day again.

Sera's dissolving panic - however reasonable it might be - is not remotely rational. She is just. fucking. undone, or so clearly on the verge of it that she feels like a wild bird thrashing its wings around the casing of an iron-barred cage and more than that, she hates herself for it. Hates the balloon opening in her throat and the wild, irrational panic spiking needles through the muscle of her heart, hates her fear and hates being mastered by it; hates that she cannot bluff and bluster and chew her way through the moment and make herself walk in those doors.

Hates that she is forcing Katiana to go in alone.

--

She can be steered.

She has to be steered because without Katiana's strong arms and warm hands she might just root herself somehow to the spot and dissolve into the cracks in the concrete. Might: flee with the heart stoppering panic of some ruminant being run-down by a great cat. Might might might.

But no: Kat redirects her back to the truck, which is far enough from the entrance and the smell and the shadow of the building, which is old enough and rich enough and worn enough that perhaps the lick of Katiana's tarnished resonance was wormed its way into the welds and the joints and the joists.

"I can probably go tomorrow," Sera protests her voice breathless and tight. "I'm not a fucking coward I just - "

Seated in the passenger's side once more, her hands shaking so actively she probably could not light a cigarette if she wanted one, right now. And she does want one: wants burning lungs and a mind-on-fire, wants transport, wants trauma, wants anything that might help her Not Be This at precisely this moment. Nearly offers to call someone else but what the fuck do you say. And there aren't many she would call anyway so. So.

Sera breathes in that building, opening, cyclic resonance, that work, feels it sharp and taut in the back of her throat, the jangling movement of it and looks up, past Kat's dark, toussled head through the shadowed campus of the medical center and sets her teeth.

"Wait - " after Kat has finished her instructions. Before she has left. "His name's Francisco Echeverría. Father Francisco Echeverría. He's the paster of the Church of the Good Shepherd. His assistant's name is Rosa and his son is Rafael. You can call him Pancho or Pan and he was in Room [Numbers Go Here] earlier today and he was only talking in Spanish do you know Spanish? He's Puerto Rican and if you just get him well enough to go to the chantry did you know there was a chantry - "

So, yes. A controlled panic because she's gritting her teeth and bearing down and just willing herself to expel any information she thinks might be useful to Katiana. Inside the hospital and Sera is not imagining technocratic constructs or snipers or swat teams or tactical units or anything rational or related to the Ascension War, no. Because it was over long before she Woke Up.

But she knows: that all the windows are sealed.
And sometimes the doors, too.

--

Then, she watches Katiana go. Pulls up her legs and sits in the passenger's seat with her arms wrapped around her shins and her chin resting on her knees and her hair coiled around her shoulders-and-spine all tight and opens her clutch with a shaking hand and gets out her cigarettes just for the smell and her phone for god knows what reason but, gets it out. And watches Katiana go.

Fr. Echeverría

Otherwise reasonable and healthy people see the impenetrable magnetic doors and the tile floors that bear no scuffs or scratches for the age of the place and the sunlight drifting in through windows without hinges or shutters and of course they worry they won't walk out again. A place that boasts perfection cannot possibly fulfill it and nothing about the notion of a hospital is natural.

Time was women would give birth in their homes and healers would tend to wounds with medicines brought up out of the earth by their own hands and the dying could lie in their own beds surrounded by their family.

If he had had any say in the matter Father Francisco Echeverría would have gone to the rectory and called his administrative assistant and she would have bid him go to the hospital though she knew it would be fruitless. And Rosa could have called any number of people who could stitch up his leg and stitch up his gut and the rest would have been in God's hands but he had had no say in the matter because God had seen it fit to strike him down. If it were up to God he would have died that day.

God does not dwell in this place any more than Nature does.

---

Two ICUs in the place: one for post-surgical patients and one for medical patients. The man is in the SICU and the charge nurse is unnerved by Katiana but he does not grill her more than he has to. The waiting room behind her teems with family and friends awaiting their turn to see their loved one for policy will not allow more than two people in at a time.

Who are you here to see?
Mister Echeverría. He's in Room Sixteen.
Go on back.

And the SICU more than the rest of the hospital shows no signs of life for all the life it aims to save. Shaped like a semi circle with all the rooms on the outer ring. Doors to each room are thick plexiglas and they slide closed. Pink curtains cover the portals and keep the sound of beeping machinery trapped inside. The Verbena passes by other doors with other patients' names on them and she can sense the flagging life in each bed. Not a lot of consciousness in this place. Distraught family, or resigned. Paperwork moving quicker than the staff.

Around the bend and far down she sees the priest's room. F. ECHEVERRIA printed and slipped into the placard on the bin bolted to the wall. It holds not his chart but a clipboard bearing instructions for the next person to enter the room. They are recording his vitals every 15 minutes and he's due for another incomprehensible round of pharmaceuticals.

She can turn back now. She doesn't.

The door slides open and gives a buckling sigh as it does. Where once she knew silence and doors leading into nothing now Katiana can hear and see everything keeping the other Disciple from dying: his pulse pings on a large glowing monitor and oxygen flows out of a tank in the wall through a tube clipped to his septum and another tube snakes out from beneath the sheet covering his lower body. It plugs into a red-stopped plastic jug latched onto the side of the bed. Pus congregates in the bottom of it. Another tube creeps out and ends in a bag neighboring the jug. He wears the hospital gown but backwards so the nurses and doctors can get at the large white swatch of cotton covering the lower-right part of his abdomen: the source of the stent. Higher up on his torso they have stuck another catheter, this one jammed in under his sternum. His left elbow hosts the intravenous line through which they pump fluids and medication and a beige plastic clip has chomped onto his index finger, a faint red glow coming from between its little jaws.

His right elbow is bandaged. Both wrists are tied to the bed with triangular cloths normally used for temporarily slinging a dislocated joint in the arm. He's been breaking through the sedation and trying to escape but he's too goddamned weak for soft restraints.

Once she gets through all of the equipment jacked into him this what Katiana sees of the patient himself: a tall man in his mid-forties, dusky skin gone darker from an entire summer in the sun but the blood gone out of it. His short hair was black once but silver and white have laced themselves through it and he does not dye it. She cannot tell how much he weighs when he is upright and conscious but his skin has a loose and sallow appearance and she can tell he has lost mass.

It's no wonder he keeps trying to escape. This place is a prison.

Katiana

There was a time when Katiana moved between the dead, the dying, and the injured so frequently that their breath became her own and she hardly noticed. When the long-sighted stare of the departed was mirrored in her own, haunted eyes. When the blood beneath her fingernails was indistinguishable from her own. Her hair was longer then, and braided back it swung like a narrowed pendulum across her spine, counting out the movements and pauses she made.

And there was a time when Katiana stood in the ruins of all she had known and, like the spirit-soul within her, called down Vengeance to her side in the words of the Old Ways and she became not one with nature but a force within it. Herald. Scion. War.

The charge nurse is wise to be unnerved by the woman, who seems unnaturally calm and ready (in a marshal sense). Though Katiana is polite, almost urbane, she is unyielding. There is something uncanny in the air around her, in the unyielding directness of her eye contact.

Undoubtedly, there is a moment caught on some security camera feed in which Katiana is in full focus. When the shape of her face is, for a moment and until the tape degrades, hauntingly familiar. But only if the right (wrong) people are watching. It has been more than a decade since the Verbena woman tangled with the local Company people.

---

Stepping into the priests room, Katiana finds herself across an unholy threshold. Much like finding herself on a space station, it takes a moment for the Disciple to orient herself. First the familiar things -- she finds a chair, shrugs of her jacket and lies it across the arm. The pale of her skin and the dark hue of Pan's makes it painfully obvious to any passer by that she is not family. Not of the blood, at least. It is possible, though, that she is a member of his flock.

Katiana withdraws from her jacket pocket a string of small carved beads. To the uninitiated, they look a lot like a rosary. This is the intent: a distraction. In truth, they are prayer beads from another culture. Her thumb rubs each bead past the curve of her index finger as she observes, equilibriates, and tries to find center in this unnatural place.

Witnesses, in the form of tiny monitors constantly crying out the priest's condition, stand between her Art and secrecy. Though she is a trained healer, these beeps and blips and constantly spiking graphs mean little to Katiana. They are to her as modern navigation's kludge-and-sparkle is to a sailor of old, who is content to roam the seas with his sextant and spyglass, who forged new worlds in the span of the seas. There is no conquest, no glory, and no Life in these beeps and blips that seems to suck and steal more from the priest than they save in him.

The first to go are the soft tethers that bind him. Let the staff wonder at the magic of a priest who rises, unbound, from the valley of the shadow of death. Let them wonder, she thinks. Let them, for a moment, court belief.

The Witch has carried her athame close against her skin since before she left her house. Its blade is warm to the touch, carrying the blush of her life (the song of her blood) in it. While the hilt is decorated, the blade is a small, dual-edged practical thing. Katiana carefully slips it from its hiding place and just as gingerly rests it on the bed beside him so that the warmth of it touches his skin but it does not bite. She covers this discretely with one hand and with the sheet from the hospital bed. Kat scrapes the chair across the floor so that she can sit beside him, head bent, presumably in prayer.

The beeps and blips fade away as Kat find his pulse at his wrist and lets its rhythm tie her focus to him. The hospital fades, vignetted and distanced in her mind as she Wills herself to draw down from the world without and project through her blade from the world within. As above, so below. Her hands grow warmer; that warmth is translated through her hand to the athame, through the athame to Pan. From Life to my hands, from my hands to you, from your life to Life again. The energy of it spreads out and engulfs them both. It is a horrible intimacy, to be so aware of the intricacies of another person's patterns, and she can see that the press of her Work has taken root. Katiana can feel his pattern strengthen, dragging him back off death's doorstep, giving him at least a foothold from which to fight for his own again.

And she withdraws. The warmth fades away, leaving the cruel and crushing reality of where they are to come crashing down on the heads of the Disciples. Katiana blinks open her eyes and draws in a deep, sterile breath. She almost chokes on the smell of disinfectant, of over-aggressive hygiene. Breathing that heresy out through flared nostrils, the Verbena once again hides her blade close to her skin -- and it is hot now, uncomfortably so, having served its purpose well; but it is also cold now, touched with the reprehensible stillness of this place and in need of cleansing.

Before Pan can fully stir, she slips a simple silver band off of her left thumb, and slides it on to one of his fingers. "From my life to yours, father," she says, barely breathing the words, letting them worm around and settle uncomfortably in his memory. "You will know how to find me." The ring carries an echo of her resonance, of the Work she'd done on his behalf (though not at his behest).

Katiana shrugs into her jacket and noisily scrapes the chair back to its original position. The prayer beads are returned to her pocket. She bows her head, like so many heart-sick visitors of dying patients do. Walks out of SICU without terrorizing the charge nurse further. By the time she reaches the elevator, a slow trickle of blood has started trailing from her right nostril, leaving a crimson trail down to her top lip. It is an outward sign of the headache that throbs forward in her face (like getting punched in the nose), brightening her already sunny mood.

By the time she reaches the magnetic front door, Katiana has to hold her hand to her face, as if her nose were running from crying, to disguise the red trickle. Her hand is bloody, but damned if she will leave drops of her Lifesblood in the halls of this Technocratic place. That thought builds a sort of panic that she forcibly swallows down until the rush of being in the outside air can slake it.

When the Verbena arrives back at the truck and hauls open her driver's side door, there are drops of blood on her rose-hued blouse. Her hand and face is smudged with it. Sera is between her and the glove compartment, where Kat could hope to find tissues or a handkerchief but reaching across the terrified girl with a bloodied hand seemed inhuman and inhumane. Even through Katiana's headache.

[And I think it's Liz's turn again! Sorry for the wait. And here: have some dice!

Private Message to jamie
[Healing: Life 3 + Prime 2, vulgar with witnesses, base dif 8. -1 Unique focus. -1 Practiced. -1 going slowly.]
Roll: 3 d10 TN5 (1, 5, 6) ( success x 2 ) VALID

jamie @ 6:57PM
Private Message to Syll
BACKLASH WOOooooOOOOoooooOOoooo
Roll: 2 d10 TN6 (6, 8) ( success x 2 ) VALID

jamie @ 6:57PM
Oh shit it's highest Sphere not successes. DAMN YOU WINE. One more.
Roll: 1 d10 TN6 (8) ( success x 1 ) VALID

Syll @ 6:58PM
Private Message to jamie
[Soak!]
Roll: 2 d10 TN6 (6, 10) ( success x 2 ) VALID]

Serafíne

Serafíne has not moved from the passenger's seat of Katiana's worn old truck. There she is still, seated cross legged with her clutch on her lap. The cigarettes have disappeared back into chic black leather bag and the remnants of the half-eaten sandwich have been shifted to make room for her knees on the big old seat and she has her phone in her hand and her cheeks are shining with tears that she's still shedding, though silently now. Seems to have swallowed her panic into the frame of her body as there's a spinal stiffness to it, a coat-hanger precision of sorts to the way she holds her shoulders sharp and shapely and squared off.

That tightness eases but does not disappear when Katiana reappears in the dark shadows of the Denver Health Medical Center campus. The manicured and well-plotted sidewalks planted with a few well-bred and well-behaved bushes and perhaps some drought-tolerant knockout roses to ease the eye. Curved beneath the tall, hulking facades of the hospital proper, the medical office buildings, the satellite offices and specialty wings and and and -

- Katiana weaves between the half-illuminated shadows and although Sera does not know her well enough to pick up her shadow from a half-block away she can feel the assertion of the Disciple's resonance in back of her throat and beneath her skin and behind her eyes. She is - yes, still crying, though remember, silently now - and shooting a wary glance up at the bulk of the building as the choppy echo of an incoming lifeflight beats downward eleven stories when Katiana opens the driver's side.

And notices, of course she does, the drops of blood on her blouse, her face, her hand. Sera breathes in sharply and breathes out, " - are you okay?" The dome light comes on then, harsh after the quiet dark of the truck's cab and reveals more of the smear of blood on her upper lip, her right hand.

A low whistle. Sera is already pulling off her t-shirt, hands crossed at the waist, lifting it over her body and pulling it free of her tangled hair in a way that dislodges her bag and her phone to the floorboards of the truck, too. Beneath she has a black push-up bra with crimson pin-striping and little satin bows and she strips down to it without hesitation because: this is how she dresses. And because Katiana is bleeding onto her own blouse.

"Here," oh, still shaking. Sera wills herself not to shake but all she can do right now is will herself to act. The rest is up to her fucking autonomic nervous system and the adrenaline burst from her goddamned panic attack is still coursing through her bloodstream. Balls up the t-shirt and hands it to Katiana, " - your nose is bleeding. How bad is it?

"Can you drive?"

Katiana

The hinges of the old truck's door creak. Of course they do. And the dome light over head is slightly clouded with time. The suspension sighs just a little at the added weight as she climbs inside, wreathed in resonance and singing with tension. Serafine is not the only person who has been, at least metaphorically, on the edge of her seat tonight.

Kat leans her head back, rests her eyes for a moment but does not relax. In that moment, Sera is movement. She is worry and concern and action and when Katiana's eyes open again, the Cultist girl is sitting nearly half-nude in the cab, holding out her shirt to the Disciple in an earnest way.

Maybe Sera will hate her for it later, but it seems so absurd -- the pinstripes and little bows -- that Katiana's eyes widen a bit and then close in mirth. The amusement transfers to her shoulders, which shake with an unvoiced chuckle. Kat breathes out some of the tension she's been carrying, breathes in something a little less starched and static.

"Sera," her name is again gentle, again carefully cradled. "There are tissues in the glove box." She doesn't say put your shirt back on. She doesn't chide the girl for trying. It is a valiant try, and she is a beautiful girl.

A beat.

First things first: "He's going to be fine, assuming he knows how to get himself discharged -- which I'm assuming he does. He seems the fighting sort." Her mouth twists, slightly, into a somewhat knowing smile. From where Kat's sitting it's a rueful thing, but Sera might not see that. Sera might just see the weak attempt and levity and perhaps a little Elder insight.

"And I'm fine." Firm. Calm. Collected. Kat's voice assures without dismissing. "Just paying the piper." Because there are always consequences; Kat knows she got off easy tonight. And if Sera hands her the tissues, or insists on Kat using her shirt, she will clean herself up enough to turn the weight of her attention to the girl -- who Kat is guessing, now, is a member of the Cult of Skylad Celebrants.

"What about you?" A beat. "Where can I take you?"

As soon as makes sense, Kat turns the old, lumbering truck's motor over and gets them on their way. She has no plans on being present when F. Echeverria's sudden turn toward health becomes a matter of interest. Nor did she have any interest in seeing a half-dressed priest try to check himself out of the hospital in his medical gown.

Serafíne

When Sera is half-naked Katiana has a grazing glimpse of her tattoos. Something scrawled in a cursive hand down her left flank, the script curving against her skin. Something else coiled beneath her right breast, which gives the impression of knot-work or roots or the scrolling ornament of an illuminated manuscript but is mostly obscured by that - yes - absurd push-up bra to which she strips down without a care. Hell, the thing is black and red and the t-shirt she shrugs off was white so it was visible anyway, a crimson-black shadow beneath white cotton. She wants you to remember her. She wants you to: see.

Oh, and other ink. Ink on both arms and ink some word written on the side of her palm and another large piece on the fingers, palm and wrist of her left hand of which Katiana only gets glimpses but which will eventually resolve itself into: a pair of scissors, the blades inked into her index and middle fingers. The hinge and handle in a loop on her palm. One of the loops of the handle is, in turn, either turning into or being devoured by a shark, whose body curves further down her palm and onto her wrist, over the point of her pulse. Sharkscissors.

Sera's hands are still shaking. They are: shaking when she offers the Disciple the balled-up t-shirt with which to staunch the flow of blood from her nose, and shaking as she goes to unlatch the glovebox, retrieve and hand over the package of tissues to Katiana. Shaking as she folds them back against her body and listens to Katiana assure her that He's going to be fine.

Oh, Serafíne breathes in then, sharp and inadequate, the sort of breath that is meant to muffle a sob though considering how freely she is crying in front of a stranger, still and now, an Elder, still and now, she hardly seems the sort to muffle anything. Joy or grief or fear or rage or love. Or adoration.

It seems a shallow breath but when she breathes it out it is much longer than the sharp intake suggested and Sera listens, see. To the report, not looking at Katiana to take in that rueful smile but instead staring out the front window at the dark street lit by a chain of fluid lights. Floods basking the buildings and low-voltage lights sunk into the deliberately sinuous banks of the landscaping and streetlights ringing the dark streets and red lights and blue lights glowing to mark the path to the Emergency Room, to reception, to the trauma center.

"He was still standing after the attack," Sera returns, quiet, though the relative steadiness of her voice is interrupted by a deep sniffle. Crying makes the nose red. Makes the sinuses run. "Not - well but. Paying the piper's what brought him down."

Oh, just thinking about it makes the tears rise again, renew from somewhere deep inside her but this time Sera does try to master then. Swallows back against the floor, hard over the lump in her throat to find her voice again and looks back to Katiana, shining ears and red-nosed, wearing yes: torn fishnets and cut-off jeans and a push-up bra and combat boots and the scent of tobacco and marijuana tangled up against her skin and hair, oh yes, Katiana can easily make assumptions about to whom she belongs.

"You - you could drop me off at home. Where you picked me up?" This, when the truck is in motion, slipping away from the regimented campus of the hospital and its satellites. "Or, I could show you the chantry, if you haven't been."

Just leaving the premises does much to settle and quiet Sera. The shaking of her hands, her shoulders, the deep occasional tremors of the muscles framing her spine - which rise like the movement of the earth at the faults of its tectonic plates, unpredictably - subside and she starts to breathe more deeply and more fully as soon as they're away.

Another deep, seizing breath. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Friday, August 23, 2013

Gravity and other unnatural laws.


Serafíne

That first night, see, when the call to Jim does not go through, Serafíne is so very spent and scattered and exhausted and frightened and and and -

- that the failure of the call barely registers. Or no: she thinks that there is something wrong with the phone, some failure of technology, some misplaced number some downed - circuit, or whatever, perhaps some parabolic bowl somewhere catching the invisible waves of whatever that carry cell calls from ear to ear and the point is she has no idea how these things work.

They're fucking magic to her.

And she just assumes: the magic has failed.

--

And then she sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and works up the courage to visit the hospital and is both reassured and rebuffed and the days slip forward.

She tries Jim's number again.

And then again, and it is the third fuck-up, whatever that fuck-up is at the other end of the line: voice mail or disconnection or silence or a phone that just rings. Rings and rings and fucking rings, and if it is ringing Sera she leaves it ringing and ringing and ringing until one of her housemates is all, "Enough, Christ, Sera," and -

- that is when she starts searching.

Because she's fucking worried.

--

So: a white conversion van, still with North Carolina plates and now with a speeding ticket from some nameless white bread little town in Utah and if you want to know how a conversion van gets a speeding ticket it is called: speedtrap. Anyway: a white conversion van pulls into the parking lot of a third-rate motel that rents rooms by the week and/or day and maybe to select clientele by the hour. Dan in the driver's seat, tall and bearded and tattooed and hipster-lean and he gives Sera a glance as they pull up, but he doesn't get out of the van. He's just here as chauffeur and friend and confidant and everything else he is. He's here because Sera is a little bit high probably and shouldn't be driving.

Near sunset: the sun glinting off the windows of the motel make it seem ablaze. She slips out: not quite as skinny as she was when they last say each other, the fast, the party, Byron et al, but still, skinnier than she was when the whole thing started. Dressed like a Sera in tiny denim cutoffs and fishnets a white The Raincoats t-shirt over a black push-up bra and her platformed and silver-heeled boots.

Sera knows the room as well as she knows anyplace in Denver. Glances up at the bulk of the motel against the skyline then traces the outline against the darkness, her attention falling falling falling until she finds the room.

She starts with a knock, Sera, quiet, in the center of the door to that hotel room. But even if there is no answer, that is not where she stops.

Jim

When she pulls up Serafine may notice that the motel is not as run down as it had been when a van full of Awakened had first come there all those months ago.

It would still struggle to get even half a star if it were listed anywhere but the most broad of Google searches or the most targeted, but there's a fresh coat of mint green paint and that must mean the cracks underneath have been plastered over or otherwise mended. The doors are all painted white and broken windows have been repaired. The railings are also a crisp white and the parking lot's spaces are repainted. There's a new patina on the place and it's a layer of care from someone who didn't only do it for the lower rent, but because he took pride in doing it and keeping the place nice.

As usual there are children in the parking lot and they're dribbling a soccer ball back and forth and up and down its length under the dying Colorado sun, kicking it between two parking cones they have dragged from the somewhere or other.

Serafine knocks and she doesn't get an answer from the other side of the door. The blinds are drawn and it's nothing but silence. She can no doubt sense that addling magic muddled in the room's very resonance, the strength of its walls containing it in stoic custodianship, and the paint practically shimmers in the twilight game light plays, going from a darker green to a grey to a silver as shadows stretch longer before their death. That's Jim, it is, still in the place. But whether it means he's in that room or not is another question.

A question that gets answered. One of the kids runs up and looks up at her.

"He only opens up for the delivery guy," and then the kid sniffs the air and pipes up again. "Oh, you're that delivery lady," laughing as he runs off to his sister and starts kicking the ball again.

Serafíne

The changes in the motel make her hum beneath her breath. Make her exhale, see, beneath this curling smile that is balanced but faintly sad. Sera is standing in the shadow of the second-level balcony of that nameless motel, her half-shaved head tucked into the cool surface of the door to his room. Feeling, yes, feeling his resonance. Allowing it to layer itself beneath her skin, breathing it in as she takes in the long shadows, the shifting, shimmering patina of that paint. Ear to the door, listening but hey, it is a motel in summer. She's surrounded by the wheezing exhalations of a half-hundred old a/c units tucked beneath the curtained windows, set into that freshly painted mint-green facade.

That kid comes over and she lifts him her sharp chin, favors him with the remnants of her curling smile. Flashes him a peace-sign with her left (tattooed) hand when he pipes up, favoring him with an open-mouthed but rather quiet laugh. Clever kid.

Oh yes, she's that delivery lady.

"Hey - " to the laughing kid, running off dribbling the soccer ball between his feet. " - when was the last time you saw him, anyway?"

--

She waits for an answer, then turns back to the door. Knocks again and this time, with an open palm - more resonant, and her mouth close to the edges of the door frame and her forehead against the metal of the jam.

"Jim. Jim." No magic to it. Sera imagines her own magic would never penetrate Jim's wards. Doubts that she could see or taste or sense anything beyond the boundaries of that motel room she knew very, very well for a very long few days some months ago. But her voice see: it's an instrument too, of a sort. She knows how to make herself heard. "Open up.

"It's me. Sera. I wanna see you.

"I'm worried about you."

And she is. That worry is all wrapped around the column of her throat, coiled around the base of her spine. Opens itself beneath her skin and behind her eyes. Coalesces at the base of her lungs, and tightens like a belt with every breath she takes.

"Please let me in."

Jim

"Breakfast," the little boy calls out as he keeps on running, though in a loop, like he's excited the woman has deigned to talk with him, but more excited by the game he's running back to.

At least it sounds like Jim is eating. He undoubtedly is because that piney and earthy scent of what the child had assumed she was delivering wafts through the cracks and crevices of his door. An odor like a skunk. The kind that awakens the senses its so distinct and heavy when it crawls into the sinuses.

Serafine sounds like she is going to persist. But Jim has always had a soft spot for the woman. Even softer than for every other living being and maybe that is why he finally answers.

"Go 'way. I'm fine. Don't want to talk about it, don't want to see anyone, I'm fine," and then, not so much as afterthought as the only way he can answer her vocalization of that worry...

"Thank you," for coming, for caring, for whatever. Genuine, though he sounds a bit despondent, forcing his voice to a level its unaccustomed to in order to get it past the door and wall and window that stands between hem.

Serafíne

The faintest thump radiates through the metal door. It's not another knock, the resonant, open-palmed sort. And he's on the other side. Even if he looks out through the spyglass all he might have is a fisheyed view of the world that includes no more than a few stray, windblown blond curls. The other side of the door, the other side of the world, Sera pivots on the stacked heels of her boots and leans back, letting the back of her skull thump against the door. That, see, half-way between I'm fine and the second I'm fine and I'm fine never sounds fine, really, does it. Ever.

--

And Sera's quiet. Doesn't say anything back right away. Bites back sharply and then swallows the bullshit she would otherwise assert after an I'm fine so forceful she is constitutionally required by law not to believe, entirely.

Her eyes half-close against the setting sun.

Then her resonance recedes from his front door. Back across the parking lot to the space Dan found large enough to maneuver and park the unmaneuverable and sometimes un-parkable conversion van. Heads for the driver's side and thumps on the dirty paint and he rolls down the window -

hey, Jim sees none of this. Not unless he Looks.

Or looks, maybe. Like a shut-in through the curtains of his window onto the parking lot.

- and they chat. Quiet.

He hands her something through the window and she takes it and Jim cannot have imagined that it was that easy to get rid of Sera but if he did, if he thought that the ebb of her resonance meant that she was fucking leaving he was entirely wrong, because here she is sauntering back to the door of the motel room with this long stride in those high heels and that physical confidence she wears so openly. Winking to the kids when she skirts the territory staked out for their makeshift goal. Her shadow long and lanky in hte twilight as she returns to Jim's door.

And knocks, again, open-palmed.

Just once this time. It's a hey-are-you-still-there knock. Not a peremptory answer-this-door-knock.

"Sooooooo - " long and drawn out, her forehead in the interspace between door and frame, curved against the hard right angle with the door jam. " - here's the deal. I don't think you're fine, 'cos if you were fine you'd be all, come and smoke a bowl with me Serafíne, instead of all I'm fucking fine. But it's cool to be not-fine, too. I mean, I'm not-fine like forty-nine percent of the time and you've never fucking minded.

"So yeah. You don't have to talk about anything. And if you don't wanna see me you could open the door and close your eyes. Or leave the door shut, 'cos I can wait. Sent Dan to grab some dinner. I told him cheese steaks or barbecue or what the fuck ever so he might come back with Indian-Irish fusion if he finds a decent food truck.

"But I told him to get enough for two.

"When you feel like it, you can open the door. I'll be here."

Jim

The door opens.

It's as easy as that.

Jim simply isn't the kind of person to leave a friend - especially not one as close as Serafine, but indeed the sentiment could be applied to every living being - sitting outside of his door. She's here because she's worried and he can only guess what leaving her out there will end up doing to that worry. Magnify it? Twist it? Turn it to resentment? The last is the least likely, but either way he refuses to find out.

But that doesn't mean Jim is standing there with a smile on his face. He's not even standing there when the door swings open. If she turns around from where she's sitting all she'll see is his back retreating into the darkness. Swallowed by the flickering light of an television.

Not the old television that had been there when they first found the place. It's a larger television and it's nicer. Not new. But definitely an upgrade.

Chopping down a kingpin's empire has its perks.

The television is playing a game show. Jeopardy. Dings and sounds and questions and answers come and then stop as the betwix round smalltalk begins. He looks like he's headed for the recliner in the corner. Settling into it silently.

She had said he wouldn't have to talk.

Serafíne

He doesn't have to talk. Sera can talk enough for seventeen people when so inspired, though it is not her familiar tumble of her eager voice that follows Jim as he retreats through the dark motel room, in the cool dull glaze of that new(er) television set. Canned voices chattering back and forth over pre-screened anecdotes about distant, half-contained lives. She's a few steps behind him, glances back out the door at the glow of the dying sun on the clouds, clotted on the horizon over the parking lot, which bleeds into another lot and then another.

A strip mall, a used car dealer, a half-dozen cheap fast food restaurants, and so on, and so on, so spare and concretized and anonymous that they could be anywhere except: they belong here. Off a particular anonymous intersection, on the fringe of a city in the shadow of the mountains.

And those kids, intent on their game in the parking lot.

Sera pulls the door to the room closed behind her and that's enough of a headstart that Jim is three quarters of the way to his recliner before her eyes have oriented to the darkness. Which hardly matters to her: Sera runs, right. Or maybe: jogs really because there's not enough space to get the momentum to flat-out run. In the dark, in her high heeled boots, the handful of steps between them and wraps her arms around Jim from behind, before he has turned to settle into that recliner.

If he allows her.
If he doesn't hear her coming and try to dodge, see.

Sera has a bad in her right hand and he can feel the swinging weight of it against his right ribs as she hugs him. Rests her forehead against the curve of his skull and kisses him twice, at least twice, once at the point of attachment between his head and his neck, and then again, an inch-or-so behind his left ear. Then her head slips down until her chin is resting on the apex of his shoulder and he can feel the shadow of her smile in the curve of her cheek against his neck and he cannot see that it is a little bit wistful and a little bit sad. Just, maybe, he can feel the way she holds on to him.

She gives him an extra squeeze at the end before she releases him to retreat to that recliner in the corner and Sera herself settles cross-legged on the closest bed, as close to Jim as she can without being on the floor.

Wants to turn that fucking television off but she doesn't because it is: his place, his space, and he had it on in the first place.

"Thanks for letting me in," Sera tells him, quiet, oh, eyes on him but if he looks uncomfortable with her gaze she looks away. " - even if you didn't wanna. I brought whiskey." Because of course she did. She's fishing the bottle out of the plastic bag now, though it wasn't the only thing in there.

"Stranahan's. You want a drink?"

Jim

He is almost there. Jim had almost escaped it.

But she is Serafine and few distances and differences are enough to stand between her and the affection she wants to share with Jim. And maybe she knows what's good for him more than the other cultist does, because when those arms wrap around him and maybe pin his arms to his side or maybe snake around his ribs beneath to lovingly crush him she can feel him swell at the contact. His chest grows in a relaxed breath as he accepts and enjoys it. And then the kisses come like a cascade on his neck and behind his ear and in that expanse between his neck and his shoulder because it may be a smile but it just feels like another kiss and that one she can feel him shrug a bit from. Just not away from. Into.

It's almost too much.

Almost.

That means it's just enough.

Jim turns around and kisses the crown of her head in return. His arm finally shrugs again. This time up and around her head when he does so, the other one forced over her back. But once it is there muscle memory is roused and and he is returning that final squeeze. And he pulls himself away to sit down. She starts talking whiskey and he has got that bag in his hand quick enough, looking into it and reaching into it and pulling out the bottle.

Familiar in his hands the way most bottles are for a man like Jim or a woman like Serafine. He is wordless in his opening of it. He leans forward in the recliner, farther forward than he had already been to look into that bag after taking it from where she's sitting, and picking up a pair of upside down tumblers where they're sitting clean atop a folded white towel. Drying with the lightest gossamer fog of dewy condensation inside.

She's probably been focusing on him and not what his being is cocooned in. That's probably for the best. Tattered slim and straight jeans that look worn in. On the verge of needing a wash. He's barefoot and he has a stretched out v-neck on, stretched out like from tumultuous sleep and living in the thing for too long. He's unshaven, his mustache more vague in a growing beard, and his hair is longer than usual, messy and pushed about. His eyes are only three-quarters open. Just open enough. The pile of clothes in front of his yoga mat, propped up in the corner, are a hint as to the last time the thing has been moved.

The clean glasses has been sitting near an unclean ashtray stacked with roaches. Spliffs and blunts and cigarette butts, but Jim doesn't smoke, does he? Not cigarettes. But they're there too. The small trash bin is full of folded up pizza boxes, plastic food containers and soda cans and beer cans crushed flat underfoot.

He pours. Three excessive, three gluttonous, three fingers that might as well be a middle finger to propriety, in each glass. One for her and one for him and he stays leaning forward, his eyes drifting to the game show for a second, but the commercials come on and his despondency isn't enough to bear even that, so he brings his eyes back onto Serafine. Looks down at the glass held in hands, arms resting on his knees, and then taking it in one to toast her. A lackluster toast to anything. But if it's to her presence, that's something, or even if it's just to the makers of Stranahan's.

Serafíne

She had: one of his arms trapped against his torso and the other free, her own arm, yes, wormed beneath his ribs. Her hair smells like strawberries and cloves and her skin smells like outside as much as it smells like the joint she smoked earlier, in her garden, under the sky and other than the musk-and-ash stink of the room and the piles of take-out trash and the occasional, bracing lungful of car exhaust and diesel fumes from the hotel parking lot when the delivery guy comes and given the state of the room she is clearly the first thing he has smelled besides the narrowing detritus of life-in-the-motel-room in some time.

When he turns around, her grip on him shifts but - see? Sera doesn't let go. Her smile sharpens and sweetens and there's a lump in the back of her throat when he kisses the crown of her head. Then her forehead drops to his shoulder as that muscle memory kicks in and he returns the final squeeze. She's a little breathless when it's all done but she's also a little bit high and a little bit sad and she offers him whiskey all familiar and he pours too much but too much is what she wants, always, isn't it?

While he's pouring, Sera takes in the room. The trash can piled full, the overflowing ashtray. The file of clothes and his rolled up yoga mat.

Seated cross-legged on the bed in her stupid platform and high heeled boots and she leans over the intervening space to accept the glass and he gives her or the whiskey a lackluster toast and she does him one better, leaning again to clink glasses with him and the whole time her dark eyes are fast on his face nevermind the distraction of the television its humid blue glow bathing the room with banked light. There are a few stitches still in her left arm. The skin beneath them new and angry but the wounds mostly closed now. Healing well.

For a few seconds or a few minutes or some span of time marked by heartbeats and daily doubles and backwards questions, Sera just watches him, right? Affection and compassion and concern and uncertainty written easily and thoughtlessly across her face, though despondent as he is he's unlikely to see anything beyond the wall of his own pain.

So that first swig is more-or-less a shot because that is how Sera drinks, but then she puts the drink aside and starts unlacing her insane boots. Here's a secret: the heels start hurting Sera's feet sooner than you'd think but she won't stop fucking wearing them. So: she unlaces and the boots come off one by one.

"We went on this tour, right?" Sera's talking, talking around whatever it is that has him holed up in his motel room because she doesn't fucking know how to approach it yet and she's bent over her boots, her blond hair sweeping forward over her left shoulder, spilling down her torso as she works. Her voice is low and there's music in it. Jim's never seen the band play but: Dan and Sera and that fucking guitar against the wall in here, not so many months ago. He knows how she sounds. " - for a couple weeks. All these shit places, middle-of-nowhere dives. It was so fucking awesome. Played a bowling alley. A flea market. More dives than you can count. Sometimes twice a day, can't even start to figure how many miles we put on the van.

"I started buying shit. You know, the shit you find in truck stops? Those cheap souvenirs? Got you and Pan snowglobes. His is like, this cowboy black against a midnight sky?"

By now the boots are off. Sera tucks them aside and picks up the plastic bag the whiskey came in. Hands it to Jim by the handles as she slips off the bed and circles the recliner to pick up the overflowing ashtray. Picks over the remnant roaches - at least those not drowning in ashes - with a degree of expertise preserving any that look like they still have a hit or two remaining but from the scent of the room she doubts he's left anything behind. Still: if he has, they're preserved.

"Yours is in there. Got you a t-shirt, too."

Leaves him to open the bag - or not - while disappears into the bathroom to empty the ashtray into a likely looking plastic bag and then scrub it clean.

If he opens the bag, he'll find: a Dudley's BOWL-A-RAMA t-shirt, all 1950s iconography with the slogan (COME INTO DUDLEY'S AND SCORE) in smaller letters along the bottom of the design; and - a cheap plastic snowglobe. A brilliantly colored plastic version of one of the iconic views of the Painted Desert, the colors themselves gone wonky and psychedelic, indigos and violets and vivid greens layered in with the customary rust-and-gold of the place. Shake it and snow - or maybe sand - falls in glycerine layers over the view. Printed just at the bottom of the plastic dome: PAINTED DESERT, AZ.

Jim

"Sounds like a blast," halfheartedly as she gives a glossing over of the route that had taken them from one back road bastion to the next exquisitely quaint exit. What's halfhearted is maybe Jim looks like he is longing for that open road. Like maybe the room is getting smaller by the day. A tinge of wistful jealousy to his words.

Jim shakes up the snow globe his hand produces out of the bag, setting it down in a kaleidoscopic bauble of color as he pulls the shirt he is wearing off. Dudley's graphics and slogans are soon emblazoned over his chest as he pulls on the gift, like Christmas morning when you try on that new sweater. It's proof you really like it if you don't need prodding to do so, don't need to be asked, 'does it fit?' or 'do you like it?' but instead already have it on by the time the giver is emerging from the bathroom with your newly cleaned ashtray.

When his head pops out from the ringer neck of the t-shirt he is looking at the snow globe's tempest of color dieing down. And then over to her, glass back in his hand for his own sip at the amber fiery liquid, setting it down next to the glass with glass-on-compressed-wood thump.

Maybe he had noticed that stitched together flesh before, but probably not, the way his hand goes to it when she's putting that ashtray back on the bedside table. Fingers as close to the surrounding skin as they can get without prodding tender red and purple. He looks up inquisitively at her. Concerned. It has broke him from that dead-nerved thousand-yard-stare revery.

"What happened?" Here? How? When? Who? Why? A thousand questions wrapped up in the one.

Serafíne

Sera emerges from the bathroom with the clean ashtray to find Jim whipping off the old, stretched-out V-neck that probably smells like a roach that has been rolling around in the bottom of the ashtray and looks like the half-forgotten tee rolled up at the back-and-bottom of the dresser in favorite of the new one. She gives him this sidelong look as she reappears, which is not wary so much as aware, assessing. She's never seen him like this; but more than that never imagined this dead-eyed retreat into despair was a possibility for Jim.

Like Pan, he's always seemed both somehow inviolate and invulnerable to her.

Like the fucking Colossus at Rhodes, standing astride - Christ. The metaphor fails there: hard to tell what he might be standing astride. Just that she never thought to see him vulnerable. And the uncertainty that engenders in her slides over her skin like oil over water, leaves behind this sheen of care and worry that darkens her eyes and perhaps her countenance.

--

He takes her arm in hand. She was in motion but the gesture belays her and Sera stops, mid-step. He looks up at her, she looks down at him, loose curls sliding forward over her left shoulder. There is this steady though provisional weight to her eyes now and she wants to bend over and kiss him on the forehead and so she does, because it is not in her to resist or subvert her impulses or desires.

There, the center of his forehead, reaching out to cradle the back of his head as she does so. Thinks to herself that he needs a haircut.

"Dogs. I'm okay, though. Justin stitched me up. Pan was pretty badly hurt?" A sharp breath out, like a valve opening. If there are holes in the story, lacunae, well - in this precise moment she's far more concerned with him than with herself. "He - he should recover, though."

Gently, she tugs her arm and picks up her own tumbler of whiskey. This time, though, instead of sitting cross-legged on the bed she takes up a perch on one of the arms of that recliner.

"Jim, I know I said you don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to. And that's still true, so you can tell me to shut the fuck up if I need to shut the fuck up, but maybe it'll - maybe it'll help if you tell me what the fuck is going on. How many times have you been there for me when I needed you?

"I wanna be here for you."

Jim

No anger rises as she hits upon whatever is at the heart of his despondency. What has spawned with shadowy version of Jim lacking in all the luster she had come to expect from him. He is still looking at her mending wound and digesting the fact that Pan had also been hurt, but that he would be okay. That he should recover.

And when her lively eyes are turned with concern back upon him, after that kiss and that news, and it finally sinks in what she is saying and why she is asking and he's gulping at that rocks glass of whiskey like he'll find an answer worth saying at the bottom. He sets down the empty glass as he sucks in air through gritted teeth with a sound like a hiss. He pours himself some more.

"You are being here for me, Serafine," the look in his eyes like simply her presence is enough. He hadn't actively avoided it or her or the others. He'd avoided the world outside entirely, and they were the bystanders of that avoidance.

"I don't know if talking about it is going to help," it's the most he has said this whole time, and his voice is rasped and raw, a quality less discernible when he'd asked (shouted) to be left alone. Smoking and drinking will do that to you. He has been indulging in both and it is plain in that tonality.

"But I understand why you want to know and I'm not going to hide it from you. Things fell apart between me and Sid and I fell apart along with it," shaking his head slowly and deliberately before it nods back into the upholstery of the recliner. He looks up at her and puts his free arm - one is set aside for whiskey-retrieval - around her waist so that his hand rests lazily on her thigh. He slumps into her, like the contact has set off a magnetic chain reaction, forehead nodding forward now to rest on her other leg.

His face is suddenly hidden and there's only the sound of his shallow breathing as his back rises and falls with each inhalation. That and Jeopardy is back on. More questions being answered.

Serafíne

The only real light in the motel room is the blue glow of the television set and a thin line of sunlight from outside, where it cuts in through the break in the curtains ruffled and moving like laundry in a breeze by the a/c unit fitted until the big window. Still, there's enough light, from enough sources, that Sera casts a diffuse shadow over Jim.

When he tells her with his eyes as much as language that her presence is enough, she favors him with this smile, which is quietly pleased and humming somehow for it. The compassion in her gaze is enough to banish the shadows that have lingered there since the attack and the priest's hospitalization, at least in the here and now. No matter how raw Jim's voice is or how close the walls, she feels safe here, too. Wrapped in the resonance of the wards he worked into the walls so many months ago.

He doesn't know if talking about it will help and she's on the point of interrupting to tell him that he doesn't have to say anything, but it is brief and to the point and exactly what she was expecting. She read the strange mixture of hurt and heartbreak bright beneath Sid's skin the way some people read their morning papers.

By then her expression is sober, quiet. There's no particular reassurance, false or otherwise, not yet. Just the solidity and warmth of her presence, the way she turns to keep her eyes on him, bracing herself with the palm of her hand on the back of the reliner. The way she curves into the warmth of his circling arm, loose and familiar, breathing steadily.

Letting him hurt.

Because sometimes we have to hurt. Then he slumps forward, his forehead against her leg, and she makes a quiet noise somewhere deep in her lungs, which might be Oh, Jim, and might be something else entirely.

She reaches down, slides her fingers through the short nap of his hair, her fingers curving around his head, her palm cradling his skull, her thumb moving in a lazy, soothing sweep through his hair. Each breath he takes is warm against her thigh. Behind her, someone gets the laser-swooping sound-effect signaling a Daily Double! and bets conservatively, and wins more money but not enough, for an easy trivia question to which Serafíne would never know the answer.

No matter, she knows this.

Leans forward until she is bent over him where is slumped against her, her hair a waterfall around them. Someone else might smell the curl of marjuana in the strands, the distinctive sweet numbness of her clove cigarettes but Jim has been smoking and drinking for days and the air in here smells like an ashtray so mostly he might smell the clean sweet undergone of her shampoo.

"Things fell apart. Doesn't mean you can't try to put them back together, if they're important enough."

Fade