Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Listening post.

William

There had been a text, or perhaps a phone call, or perhaps a number of things that could have been a means of communication. It's William we are talking about here, he could have sent Sera a fucking letter, all careful script and intention dropped in a mailbox and sealed. It seems like the kind of thing he would do, but he isn't one for official correspondence.

He had made his intent known, though. He wanted to see her, wanted to do something even if he didn't know what that something was. Something more than getting shitfaced and spouting poetry because that was a normal night for him. Though, honestly, a normal night was more staying away from people and being sequestered trying to find answers to questions that he has no frame of reference for jumping off from.

But when William concluded he wanted to see people again, he concluded that he wanted to see Serafine first. First person he visited after becoming a right and proper Hermetic. Probably the only person that would call him William without thinking about it.

Whatever it was, the message had been clear: I miss you, let's go do something daring.

So there he was, waiting for her to show up at some place where people were mourning David Bowie playing his last great work and something stirs. Somewhere in Santa Fe. Somewhere that there are artists and creators and poseurs and Will, darling creature, considers himself one of the latter instead of anything in the former. Tips a shot back- tequila with orange and cinnamon instead of salt and lime.

Sera

She shows up maybe forty-five minutes later, wearing this sleek, spectacularly fitted Alexander McQueen corset jacket covered in black feathers. Nothing on beneath: just bare skin, the curve of her breasts a shadow beneath the black on the verge of revelation every time she moves. Alexander McQueen and an old pair of denim cut-offs she picked up at the Buffalo Exchange (aka - second hand) then made shorter and shorter still with a rigorous application of Dee's pinking shears. Thick black leather belt, all studs and grommets, encircling the rather high waist of those shorts. Black thigh-highs, with skulls up the back where the seam on nylons would be. Low-heeled combat boots her only concession to the weather.

--

The air in the room changes when she walks in. Yeah she looks like that and yeah she dresses like that but it's the charge in the air that has people turning, turning, turning to seek her, to watch her, to want her. The gut-wrenching, enthralling intensity remains the same as ever: but there is something new-and-changed about her. This sensation of wildness, of freedom and something else too, which burns-brightly. Which catches-to-flame.

And she finds Elijah at the bar and bartender comes over and Sera orders a round of French 75s and do they go with tequila? Who the fuck cards.

"Hi William." The brief communion: her nose against the back of his head. One arm around his shoulders, the other hand ruffling his hair. She just inhales. Then lets go, and takes that seat beside him, and orders her goddamned drinks.

William

Sera wears whatever she damned well pleases and owns it. Every bit of it. Elijah has worn some permutation of the same thing since he got here. Occasionally, he doesn't have a vest on. Tonight, he does, because he needs somewhere to put his pocketwatch. You know, the one that doesn't work except when he tells it that it is going to work. Functions as a watch and an unbroken circle-both equally important.

She orders a round of French 75's. Soixante Quinze.

She tells him hi. Hi William, specifically and he smiles, something tinged with internal and external pleasure, buries her face in his hair for a second and he smells like whatever shampoo Jenn left when she left. He's running out, figures he should go buy another bottle sometime soon. The apartments getting lonely, to say he doesn't mind would be a lie.

She feels different, something that makes him pause, makes him almost falter before that smile turns into a grin and-

"How did it goooooo? You've some something different with your hair. Or your soul. Probably the latter," he's joking except he's not. William isn't completely clueless.

Sera

"Letting the hair grow-in."

He's right actually, that's the weird thing. About both, but what she does is she turns and cants her head so he can see the soft, messy fringe where she had kept the side-cut shaved. It's not too long, not now, not yet. Pin-curl territory maybe, and it has the texture and the gleam of a cocker-spaniel's coat with a close summer clipping.

"And the soul." Quick and wry, that. The 'tender has brought back the round of champagne and gin drinks she ordered and she gives this pleased little shimmy, scooting closer to bring the bubbly concoction to her mouth.

"Woke up one day and there was something in the air."

Briefest pause, some cant of her head. Refocusing, see? Something still-seeking about that look.

"I haven't seen you in forever. How're you?"

William

Reaches out and touches the little bits of messy curl growing in, speaking of potential and there is delight- always delight because there are few things that can dim the fact that he generally believes the world to be beautiful, that people are the highlight of it and its death all in equal measure. Something about being incapable of separating the wonder from horror. He is not horrified now.

Imagines that there Willl be a point where she has long hair framed with ringlets. Pulls his hand back and takes the glass in hand once it comes. "I guess that's how some change works, you feel a change in the pressure and you either deal or you go find out where the window opened," shrugs. A quick rise and fall of his shoulders.

She asks how he is, though. Less of a grin but he takes a drink. Puts the glass down, and it tastes like Christmas time to him- anything with gin in it does. Something about juniper is indistinguishable from pine in his mind. He likes pine trees, so it doesn't matter.

"It's been kind of self-imposed exile. I put Sam in Quiet," again. Neither time was his fault but it doesn't seem like it to the blond, "and Jenn moved to LA so I've been kind of off."

A second.

"Sorry for not making Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. I feel bad about that, I probably should have called or something."

Sera

Maybe that is how the world works, but for Sera that comment was a place-holder, marking-time. Nothing about her new power was accidental. She wanted it and she worked for it and she knew she was ready for it and she sought it, and sought it, and sought it; and, finally: found. This clarity about her that feels somehow both stark and expansive.

He touches her hair and it has just that furred softness you'd imagine, trimmed so it frames her elfin ear (bristling with piercings, of course) just so. She tucks her head into the touch, also just as you'd imagine. She likes to be touched, Sera. Touched, petted cosseted, adored.

Doesn't everyone?

But there's her drink and it - has bubbles! and gin, and she has this engaging half-smile on her face, that smoothes out as he tells her that he has been on a self-imposed exile. That Jenn went to LA and he put Sam in quiet and he's sorry: he wasn't there for Thanksgiving, or Christmas.

Sera inhales. Through her nose, not her mouth. Turns to the young man beside her and reaches out and cups the back of his skull with her tattooed hand and brings him close, and closer. The grace of her mouth on his temple, his brow. The scent of clove cigarettes in her hair, and champagne on her breath. Chanel No. 5 on her skin.

"Tell me what happened."

William

People blossom when they are paid the care they are due. Each person requires something different, but the feeling that someone cares about you, the feeling that you are adored is one that is almost universal. Sera is almost too much to process, almost too big to be real, it stands in contrast with the fact that she is so very, very human. It is the contrast that he adores, it is the completeness of her and the pieces that are still missing, still changing.

She is not static. The embodiment of writing your own definition, in being a living and changing Truth.

William loves contact. It is something he sees less and less frequently, either by the nature of those he interacts with or the nature of his work. And there she is, with perfumed skin and champagne lips and deliciousness on her breath.

She asks what happened.

"I asked Jenn to help with the whole weird human chimera thing, which I thought was covered because everyone said it was handled, then it turned out to be a nephandus and things got shitty for her. She ended up going to LA to be that one Michael guy's assistant, plus when I talked to her she made a good point that the art scene was better. She moved when I was in Boston. Left most of her stuff, but she said she got an apartment so we're making progress sending stuff to her. She said I could sell the furniture," he isn't going to sell the furniture, though.

"I went out with Sam and figured, oh my god, we should go look for yetis, because we were drunk and it was cold and I didn't think we'd actually find anything, just going out and exploring the wilderness is fun, you know? So we're out, and there's just this thing, right? And it's black and all Slenderman-esque and it has this-" this is where he laughs, an escape of air, a release of tension "-blue tie. And it starts asking Sam these questions and I don't know why the fuck he felt like he needed to stand in front of me- but, I mean... I get it. It asked how many people like us were in Denver and he wouldn't answer and I was like jesus fuck, dude, just let me get us out of this but it was fucking terrifying and it stuck, like, needles on the back of his head and there was blood and-"

Again, the takes a point and centers and exhales.

"I took care of it. There was a problem and things got bad, but I took care of it. I called Kiara to come help, I got our GPS coordinates, I made sure nothing killed us while we were waiting. But I almost got my friend killed, and he was messed up for a long time, because I wanted to go out and do something stupid and didn't think anything better," he says, continues, "and I do that. I did that with Jenn for years, I did it with Sam, I did it with Alicia, I fucked up Kalen's life, I almost got -you- killed because you had to help me."

After he got shot. Twenty first birthday. Sera saved Elijah's life, tore the world apart and reeled from the damages because she didn't want him to die. And she knows why she did it, but he doesn't. He thinks he knows, but has so many contingencies and why nots in him that the idea baffles him.

"I had to decompress from that."

Sera

And Sera listens.

Listens with intention, listens with awareness. Listens with her golden head canted and her fine little fingers draped around the stem of the champagne flute in which her drink has been served. Eyes half-closed, not always looking directly at him, but always close, the weight of her awareness and her attention and her presence and her interest evident in every line of her body. The supple threads of tension in her neck, the bruised gleam of her gaze, here just so, or there.

There is an awful lot to unload, and she lets him: unload. Listens, her head canted low, her dark eyes on his profile, then the windows beyond, then his profile again. Something aware about the way she watches him. Considers him. Listens to him. Hears him.

And there is a helluva lot that she wants to say, but she starts with this:

"Have you decompressed from that?"

William

Sera listens with intention, because everything she does is with intent. Because William has never seen her be careless with anything (or she is careless with everything, so a part of the world and willing for it to be, yet so completely capable of imposing her will upon it.)

She has never been deaf to his experiences, though. Has never made him feel lesser because he has been human; there aren't many people he can say that about. There's not many people who he thinks actively care about him, except perhaps Sera and Dan. They are a fixture in his life, and yet he chose to be somewhere so ideologically far away from them. Or maybe he sees the reason and tries to bridge a gap, tries to find a universal truth that unites all things but that is too complex. His dreams are incomprehensible, and that is certainly a concrete dream to have.

But has he decompressed?

"Sort of, it's kind of like being a glass of water and someone poured soy sauce into it. You just get moved to a bigger container and you add more water to fill it but the previous experience will still color it, I wouldn't want to bleed it all off and be a fundamentally different substance," he takes a drink of the bubbly Christmas tree concoction, "I've decompressed enough to know that I need-" people? Friends? Her? "-I don't need to be alone."

Sera

Oh, Sera. Lovely creature, who doesn't know what the fuck William is talking about, with water and soy sauce and coloring and containers or even perhaps the idea of containment, but she's watching his face in that bar and the air - fuck, the air should be smokey, should be edging-toward-opaque, but Denver has all those pesky anti-smoking laws - still the air has a haze-to-it, some sort of lambent gleam. She doesn't know what the fuck he means, but she thinks she gets the intent behind it. All this stuff in me: is settling. I'm changed, I'm always changing, I'll always be the person-who-changed, not the person-who-was. He's telling this to a time mage. She eats seconds the way strangers in a bar at closing time devour one anothers' hearts.

Or, maybe it isn't hearts they're devouring.

Sera tosses back her drink. Is there another one? There is another one! Maybe by magick: there is another one, but there it is. This strange thread of coincidence running through the moment, something like serendipity, which, if we are counting, is the word that an earlier Sera, a different Sera, had tattooed in script up her flank. If William has ever seen that word, it was only in pieces, none of which make sense without the rest.

And she offers him her hand and tells him that they should get out of there: there's a world outside, right? a bright, cold, brisk night, frame in light, the remembered sky. Her grip is stronger than you might think, with callouses that are stranger than you could understand and she pays the tab and off they go.

Outside on the sidewalk, she is still holding his hand. Doesn't seem like she's gonna let go.

"You blame yourself for a lot of shit, you know, that's not your fault. And some shit that is maybe is. And I'm gonna start at the end and maybe work back to the beginning, okay? You didn't put Samir in Quiet. Shit happened to you and it sounds like you saved his life."

William

Sera, lovely creature, Sera who does not know what he is talking about because he rambles but she gets the jist because she knows him. Because she knows people, but in his own young adult universe it is more important to him in some instances that she gets him specifically. That she understands where he is coming from- she can understand things. He's never seen the tattoo up her side, doesn't know that it says serendipity but he can tell some things because there are a finite number of things that the shapes of almost words can say.

He's good at noticing things that aren't presented to him; it's made him good at reading people without meaning to. When he tries, he's clueless.

What she says has him nodding, paying attention to her and forgetting that he has a drink until she finishes hers, which is a cue for him to finish his. Doesn't think too hard about it, just gets it all done with.

"I think sometimes it's easier to blame yourself than admit that you didn't have complete control of a situation."

Sera

This quick, quiet little smile skims over her mouth, equal parts elegant and thoughtful, as Will speculates that maybe the problem is that it is hard to admit how little control one has and she's opening her mouth to say something but something about that: strikes her, oh, just so.

They are, after all, creatures who have awoken to a universe where so many hidden things are now within their thorough control.

And without, of course.

So there she is, turning over the mystery of his idea and walking and COLD and there may, there must be some idea of a destination, the way she's walking now. The purpose that has infected her stride.

"Sometimes it's just a little switch inside you that means: you blame yourself, logic be damned. But Samir: you guys got drunk and went out into the woods. Maybe you convinced him. Okay: if you had been attacked by bears or fallen off a cliff I might allow you a small piece of the blame, not much because Samir is a damned adult. But: those are expected goddamned dangers in the woods that you exposed yourself to by being drunk and wandering around. What you described is nothing that could've been anticipated and again: Samir, adult, disciple event.

"So. Now: Samir - quiet. That's his thing, you know? It happens to him. It's happened to him more than once, and whatever it is in him that means reality is that much harder or stronger or more present for him that breaking its rules fucks up his brain for a while is something that he has to learn to deal with.

"Have you talked to him, since? Because, if not - I think you should."

William

"We haven't talked," he replies, "it wasn't for lack of desire, but-"

He stops himself, as though he knows when and how to call out his own bullshit before it starts to run rampant. He knows the reasons that he didn't talk to Samir; he had enough problems without William coming by and reminding him of what happened when they'd last been out. He'd come as far as being able to see the damned trailer before turning around and going home; William marked himself a coward for that. Perhaps his lack of gumption was brought on by a desire to not remind someone of the pain they'd experienced.

Samir was an adult, though- he was as responsible for his own well-being and self regulation as William was. He may be a contributing factor to a situation, but William lacked the ability and desire to literally make someone feel a certain way.

"It all just felt weird. I went by in December but he's kinda dropped off radar. I'll try again."

Because that's what he can commit to- trying. Considers flagging down a waitress and re-upping his drink. Decides against it for the time being.

Sera

"Mmm," the quiet hum of her voice, this inherent musicality to the thoughtless intonation. Medieval philosophers once believed that certain intervals reproduced the clearly harmonic arrangements of the sky: the perfect movement of the sun-and-planets around a thoroughly fixed and central earth. Here is: Venus to Mercury to Mars.

Gentle, she leans over to him. Reaches out and cups his golden head with her well-inked hand and brings him close. Her mouth in his hair, as she kisses him, not quite on the crown of his head.

"The longer you let it go, the weirder it'll get. But he's your friend. I bet he'll be happy to see you. Now do I need to tell you that you didn't ruin Kalen's life, or can we agree that I'm right about every-fucking-thing and I am really, really glad you decided to stop decompressing and ask me out?"

William

He laughs, and the sound is pleased, an acknowledgement that- yes, she is right about everything and -yes, he is also glad that she came out with him. She kissed him =on the head and he had leaned in because of course he would. Hasn't ever shied away from her in any memory that he has. Perhaps once, perhaps twice, but never significant enough that it would scar his psyche into thinking that, yes, he had backed away from her.

Except for the time that he half-drunkenly remembered Sera and quinoa muffins. Though that might have been Dee. Or Jenn. Now that he thinks of it, hazing drunken memories involving quinoa muffins was probably either Dee or a dream about Dee.

"Do you like roller coasters?" he asks, "literal roller coasters."

He smiles, the non-sequitur and the pleased look on his face says it all- he is happy she came out.

Sera

Later she might tell him some other story or pull this one back into focus and it will hardly matter. The world knits itself together into these exquisite, minute little moments, and then it tears itself apart again. She is breathing a framing smile and letting go of him and there is about it this sense: untangling.

"I've never been on a goddamned roller coaster." Something about the way she holds up her sharp little chin in that moment is either bravado or challenge. " - but I love carousels. Round and round and round. I like the ones with tigers though, and fucking ant-eaters and shit. Not the boring ones with flying elephants and baby bats.

"And you changed the subject, but you didn't ruin Kalen's life, either."

William

"I'm prone to histrionics," he admits. She calls him out on changing the subject and he smiles like he'd been caught doing something that he shouldn't have been doing, or perhaps read a cue wrong. Whatever the case, he didn't ruin Kalen's life. He didn't get Samir nearly killed, either.

"And I'm willing to concede that I didn't ruin Kalen's life, and maybe I didn't completely and irrevocably mess Alicia up," but he doesn't say that he didn't have a hand in making her leave (or rather- not giving her a reason to stay. Not that she needed a reason to leave, she had a mission in mind and it didn't involve waiting for the awakened world to go help her.)

Sera


Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Trader Joe's


Serafíne

The afternoon is positively balmy. Nearly fifty degrees, with a cold disc of late January sun gleaming like a lozenge through high gray clouds. Warm as it is, there is something in the air - some damp chilliness - that warns of dropping temperatures, cold rain, ice and snow. Some lick of mountain air, some tongue of frost on the wind.

That gray light has a watery, painterly feel, especially so late in the afternoon, but there's still enough brightness that a certain creature's enormous sunglasses do not look wholly out of place, at least, not until she heads inside. Sera walked here. She's only been up for a couple of hours, max, and has somehow managed to get herself showered and dressed and out of the house while the sun's still in the sky. Accommpanied today by a tawny, brawny adolescent dog who probably should be on a leash, and isn't, but walks pretty companionably at her side right up to the 'dog parking' station outside the store. There Sera crouches down to Sid's level and unloops a lead from around her shoulders, attaches it to Sid's spiked black leather collar, and in turn hooks the lead to one of the 'dog parking' hooks before straightening and disappearing inside.

Doesn't bother taking off her sunglasses, Sera. Not even while she's fiddling with her phone and trying to claim and steer a cart and remember what the fuck she wanted and navigate, you know, the store. Strangers can be forgiven for assuming she's Somebody or maybe that she's Nobody. She has that feeling about her, and this combination of a strange and dirty glamour and a learned helplessness with ordinary things like Shopping for Groceries that reads, absolutely, like celebrity. Or: conversely, like a refusal of all the rules of ordinary life: turn on, tune in, drop out.

Nicholas Hyde

For many people, this day is the extension of the weekend. Many of them did their shopping earlier in the day and are now at home, gathered around their kitchen tables or sitting in front of the TV. They've scented that shift in the air, the biting chill in the wind that means that they should go home and stay there until responsibility forces them to come out.

Hospital staff, on the other hand, are used to not getting the same days off as the rest of the world. People don't stop getting sick or stop dying on holidays. Nick, new and therefore the low man on the totem pole when it comes to requesting days off, was therefore at work today.

Wandering somewhere between the scones and cinnamon bread and the far healthier, more practical produce section, a head of dark curly hair and its owner can be seen flitting about. He is not harried, but like Serafine, seems like he might be just a little out of place in such a setting. Business casual dress and a dark green puffy jacket do very little to offset the somber set of his eyes and mouth, or the way in which the air around him seems a little more still, hushed even.

He picks up a bell pepper and examines it before dropping it into the basket hanging off his arm. A little far away at the moment, perhaps, detached from the physical - or, as his coworker would name it, "not being mindfully present."

[Wits + Awareness: Too spaced out to pick up on weird stuff?]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (4, 5, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10) ( success x 5 )

Serafíne

Per + Awareness

Dice: 7 d10 TN5 (2, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 9) ( success x 6 ) [Doubling Tens]

Serafíne

Our Sera has managed to wrestle on of the little red carts out of their holding area and is piloting it with her forearms and one foot braced below on a crossbar, hop-steering while she texts one of her housemates to try to figure out where she can find the two or three things that were missing from her house when she woke up. She isn't used to waking up to a not-properly-stocked fridge, mind. She is used to waking up to whatever she wants whenever she wants it. More properly: the electric kettle put on by not-precisely-magick when she first stirs, and her Darjeeling already steeping when she stumbles down the stairs. I mean, sometimes she finds herself stiring her own eggs in a seasoned cast-iron pan with her hair a mess, her body still warm from sleep, her hangover a throbbing, solid presence in both temples, watching the whites string themselves to solidity over and over again but -

- well, neither here nor there. Today, though: no tea (or rather: not the kind she likes) and some note about a list and here she is and here someone else is, too. That assertion of resonance (Hallowed) so bright and immediate and new and she feels it, somehow, in the center of her spine, behind her eyes, beneath her breast.

That empty red cart becomes a mage-seeking missile of sorts. Not at all shy, Sera pilots it straight for Nicholas. Glances from the pepper in his basket to his profile, and back again.

"I have a whole fucking list and no idea where any of this shit is." She says and it's one of those moments where she couldn't possibly be speaking to him except she is: clearly one hundred percent speaking to him and also: the way she feels. None of this is a coincidence. "Wanna help me figure it out?"

Serafíne

Visceral, enthralling, unbridled, incandescent: Sera feels like the beginning of a night you never want to see end, like the last catch of a breathone takes before plunging off a cliff, like the sensation of falling turning into flight, and the filament of flight bursting into flame. Or perhaps not bursting: but something else, brilliant, a constant, consumptive glow.

Something else, too: beneath or around or above or perhaps adorning that, not intrinsic to her but localising somewhere in or on or around her: this sensation of warmth, utter warmth, and flight that absolutely meshes with the bright, addiction, gut-wrenching sense of freedom she carries with her: sun-drenched, and soaring.

Nicholas Hyde

All of Denver's resonances are new, to Nick. New enough that they could get lost in the background, drowned in the whirl of new sensations and sights and sounds, were he not feeling particularly attuned to them today. Work has left him reflective, as it so frequently does, each day an eight hour meditation on the nature of life and death. He experiences that katabasis each morning and afternoon with each of his clients, immerses himself in the sacred before emerging again.

He is silent glades, falling snow, the deep breath a person takes to steady themselves and take strength. His energy is not near so overwhelming as Serafine's, and yet there's something a little eerie about him all the same.

Nick's hand is just beginning to wander toward the onions when he glances up, his breath a sharp thing that within seconds he levels out. He senses this, something like elation, something like consumption, before he sees Serafine, and so he straightens and turns just in time for -

I have a whole fucking list and...

Nick's appraisal is quick, and obvious enough for it to be clear that he is not a man easily caught off guard, but perhaps is a man slow to respond. "Sure," he says, dropping the onion into his basket alongside the pepper. Then, wry, "I'm not sure how much help I'll be, but Trader Joe is the same anywhere you go, I guess." He extends a hand. "I'm Nick."

Serafíne

"Hi Nick. I'm Serafíne," the creature responds, reaching out to take his hand in one of her own: right to right. Mind, she has to juggle the iPhone she is cradling in both palms to do so, but, " - you can call me Sera." This quick, curve of her mouth that is perhaps too responsive to be wry.

Her hands, well: they are limned in a close scrawl of tattoos. Script of some sort: names and dates perhaps, largely unreadable except for the flash of black ink here on her wrist, framing her palms, etched into the narrow space between her fingers. She's wearing a perfectly stereotypical leather jacket that has this very-well-worn quality to it over an unzipped black hoodie over, in turn a - something? bra, or bustier perhaps, or halter or crop-top that covers just enough for modesty and otherwise: skin skin skin. Denim cut-offs and fishnets and combat boots just as well-worn as the leather jacket complete the ensemble. An old bronze ring on her right index finger imparts that other sensation, which is with her but not of her, of drifting on a thermal, basking in the sun. Still: her fingers are objectively cold. The day is comparatively warm, sure. She's dressed ridiculously.

Doesn't seem inclined to stop talking, either.

"I was just gonna get some milk for my tea but then everyone started texting me other shit that I should get. Jicama and aracini balls and what the fuck are aracini balls and creme fraiche and some other shit. Cookie butter and dog treats and bacon." All of this she is half-reading from an exchange of texts on her phone, dark blue eyes darting to the screen, then back to him. Trader Joe is the same anywhere you go, I guess. A certain sort of animal shrewdness in her gaze, then, which feels: well, deliberate. A choice. Oh! "You're new in town," she almost, but not quite, crows.

She is always so pleased with herself when she figures things out.

Nicholas Hyde

"Nice to meet you, Sera." Nick's handshake has the ease of someone meets new people routinely throughout the day; it is accompanied by eye contact and a faint smile, feels genuine but not practiced. A sort of impersonal warmth.

A few of his curls had corkscrewed down over his brow when he straightened earlier, and he shakes them away now, absorbing the list of demands Sera's roommates have apparently made. "You're popular today," he says, as she reads from her texts. He gestures toward the waiting produce, a brief cutting motion. "I'm getting things for dinner. You can come with me and maybe we can both figure out what the fuck aracini balls are."

His voice has the pleasant, steady timbre of someone who talks for a living. As he passes the jicama, he reaches down without looking, picks up one of the lumpy roots, and hands it to Sera. "I am," he says, mirroring that not-quite-exultant expression back at her. Nick is pleased when other people figure things out, or, perhaps more specifically, Nick is pleased when other people are pleased. "I just got here a few weeks ago."

He idles on, pausing only to pick up a bag of tomatoes. "My wife has been here a little longer than me. Have you met Pen?"

Serafíne

Nick tells Sera that she is popular today and:

"I'm a popular girl," she tosses back, and one absolutely has a sense of precisely that. Some ball lofted into the air because how the fuck could she do anything but toss that one back. This is accompanied by a lively and thoroughly self-aware smirk as she does her hop-wheeling-forearm steer of the cart alongside him through the produce section.

He finds the jicama almost without looking. She accepts it, rolls it around in her hands, all the trange nobby, fibrous bits of it, her sunglasses reflecting the lights in the space, her calloused, nimble fingers figuring it out. She is: surprised that it looks like that, isn't she? She thought it was white or something.

He asks if she's met his wife: Pen. And she hmms over that, sharp brows coming together over the dark glasses, you know, searching her brain and ?

??

is very much the expression tucked on her spare mouth, her sharp features. "I met," ??? "someone else new. A while ago. I don't - What does she look like?"

Nicholas Hyde

"Red hair," Nick says, "and very Hermetic."

He glances down at her out of the corner of his eye as they round the corner and arrive at meat and dairy, where he points out the creme fraische. Stops to heft packages of chicken and chorizo into the basket. The smile at the corner of his mouth says that he is not Hermetic himself, and suspects this of Sera as well. What are the Traditions, without a little light ribbing?

That searching expression, he notes: magi that feel like Serafine, it's rare that they don't know everyone. Or, perhaps more appropriately, it's rare that everyone doesn't know of them. "I was just curious. Neither of us have really had a chance to get out much yet," he adds, his tone tinged with apology.

Serafíne

That still-puzzled threading of her expressive brows above the ridiculous sunglasses: which says that she is searching. Thinking. Thinking, which is something she finds much harder to do than feeling. Feeling is easy. She feels everything. It's what she was made for.

They keep going. She doesn't notice much as the produce gives way to meat-and-dairy. The lights and the smear of strangers and the gleam of a perfectly piled-up pyramid of oranges that is more-or-less begging to be either admired or sabotaged. For some reason, she picks up an apple and puts it in her cart. Puts it back then because there are tiny little red bananas instead and they are fucking adorable and who is that lady there giving shit away?

While Nick picks out a package of chicken breasts and some chorizo for dinner, Sera leaves her cart beside him wanders over to the free sample station. Takes like four or five of the little cups and wanders back over to her cart and puts three of the samples down in a row on the little shelf-seat beside her jicama, handing him the other two. Churros: still warm from wherever, and a dulce de leche sauce.

"I think Dan and I did meet her. For like two seconds? Does she feel like the Song of Roland or some shit like that? A Knight of the Round Table? It was this holiday fair, thing. I was just back - " a brief sense of: arrest, suspension that appears and is gone, quite as quickly as it arose. "I'd just gotten back in town. It was just in passing."

Nicholas Hyde

Sera wanders, and Nick's head twists around to follow her to see where she's headed. Nick spends so much of his time in the Sleeper world that at times, when he interacts with other people like him, he has to stretch to recall that they don't behave like Sleepers. Sleepers don't have such disregard, such forgetfulness, for social mores and the unspoken rules most people follow; they don't move with that kind of freedom.

Nick, he's still bound by all that. For now.

"Thank you," he says, with evident pleasure as he takes up one of the little sample cups, the one with the bit of churro contained within. His eyes crinkle at the corners at the words Sera uses to describe Pen: Song of Roland, Knight of the Round Table. "That's her. I'll have to tell her you said that."

The way Sera's speech gives for a moment, as though it were flexing under some weight - Nick notices that. It's his job to notice. "Where are you coming back from?"

Serafíne

Nick, this stranger, notices that flex, that give, that sense of - something, not precisely cessation but something-passing - and Sera, listen, she notices him noticing. An artful lilt of her sharp chin, the gleam of her glasses turned on him, lifted up to the lights. Something about her mobile features made still: not in alarm or sorrow or grief or anything except: in that moment, awareness. A new consideration that plays strangely on her features.

"I was in Thailand. Then I was in LA. Then I was invisible," wry twist of her mouth, here, deliberate, absolutely. It is less about surrender, more about defiance. But, well. So is everything else about her. "technically I was invisible when I was in LA too, but. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving. Maybe you shouldn't tell her, though. I know some Hermetics. I mean if I told Hawksley you look like a Knight of the Round Table I'd never hear the end of it."

Nicholas Hyde

Hawksley, Dan. Unfamiliar names, though this is to be expected when one is brand new in a city. Nick has to process this; it's not the first time he's moved across the country, but it is the first time that he's done so since Awakening. It's different from a new job, after all - most chantries don't hold Meet and Greets. No one gets to shadow until they know the job and are familiar with the city. The stakes are higher.

"You're right. I suppose I can spare you her reaction." Though really, Nick suspects some part of Pen would be amused or pleased. He is quiet for a moment while he chews on the churro from the paper cup. "You said you were invisible?"

His tone is casual enough - he's heard stranger, particularly from other magi. He makes eye contact often enough to indicate that he's not only asking to be polite, though: he wants to know.

Serafíne

Sera has plowed right through from one subject to the next because no, no thank you, she does not want -

- but he returns to it. This rhetorical trick, right, that reminds her of Pan: his solid, perhaps even stolid persistence. His confessor's patience. They have turned into the frozen-food aisle, the magickal land of every appetizer, ever. A tall woman with a clingy red-headed three-year old tosses a box of frozen happy-face potato puffs past her child, into the cart, then angles past them. The store is not crowded, except for - here and there - the employees restocking the shelves. But this woman Sera watches as she approaches, draws abreast, passes them. This woman, Sera seems to watch even after she has gone.

An expression of a kind of pained but thoughtful patience present on her face. This narrow frown that is more about searching for words, searching for precision with words than -

"To Them." So the creature explains, with a lift of her chin towards the woman, the stranger, who has by now disappeared around the corner of the aisle. "Paradox or something. I was ivnvisible to Sleepers. "Not even Dan could see me. I mean, a helluva lot of people I know wouldn't care or notice. Or would be like: thrilled that no one could interrupt them at the library.

"For me it really, really sucked."

Nicholas Hyde

In the land of Appetizer, Nick hefts a box of mochi into his basket, which at this point is beginning to look rather full. He's a slender man, and he's beginning to shift the basket back and forth to either arm as his biceps weary.

Paradox. To someone at Nick's relative level of enlightenment, Paradox is often a distant bogeyman: he has experienced it, once or twice, but not like this. There are many things more experienced magi would be concerned about that Nick moves blithely past. Concern about discussing such things near Sleepers, for example.

For Sera, invisibility really sucked. "I can see that," Nick says, with a gentle furrowing of his brow and again, this second appraisal. "You seem like you like people. That must have been hard." He makes eye contact again, though not for so long a time as to make her feel awkward or exposed: such admissions are difficult enough. He is aware of that.

He looks over his shoulder at the woman who had passed. "They can see you now, though?"

Nicholas Hyde

[last post]

In the land of Appetizer, Nick hefts a box of mochi into his basket, which at this point is beginning to look rather full. He's a slender man, and he's beginning to shift the basket back and forth to either arm as his biceps weary.
Paradox. To someone at Nick's relative level of enlightenment, Paradox is often a distant bogeyman: he has experienced it, once or twice, but not like this. There are many things more experienced magi would be concerned about that Nick moves blithely past. Concern about discussing such things near Sleepers, for example.
For Sera, invisibility really sucked. "I can see that," Nick says, with a gentle furrowing of his brow and again, this second appraisal. "You seem like you like people. That must have been hard." He makes eye contact again, though not for so long a time as to make her feel awkward or exposed: such admissions are difficult enough. He is aware of that.
He looks over his shoulder at the woman who had passed. "They can see you now, though?"




Serafíne

"Sure."

A neat, rather specific touch-back of a glance. The quiet edge of it, the dark glint of her glasses, the sweeping angle of her brow above the curve. She doesn't bother glancing at the shelves, or the things on the shelves, though she does seem to enjoy piloting that cart: both forearms braced on the handle, tattooed hands loose and forward, spare frame angled just so.

"I left town. It was too - " an arrest; her brow constricts in a very precise manner that seems to signify a strange and certain interiority. She likes words, Sera. Words on her tongue, in her head, on a page. Words well-deployed, but she cannot unearth a word that means all the things she wants it to mean so she hesitates, lingers, searches. " - creepy, and lonely, and painful, not in a way that clarifies. Leaving was better. It didn't hurt as much to be hidden from strangers. But being invisible to people I love, excised from their lives - "

As if to emphasize the point: her phone buzzes again. She glances at it. Smiles, private. Glances back: first his basket, then his profile.

"You can put your basket in my cart if you want. Where the fuck are the dog biscuits, do you think? Or the jerky. Sid likes beef jerky too."

Nicholas Hyde

Nick, he is not so invested in appearing strong and masculine that he does not take her up on her invitation to put the basket in the cart. He sets it down, careful to nudge the things she has already set inside out of the way so he does not crush them. He digs the ball of his thumb into his forearm, working out a knot as he processes the things Sera has said.

Dog biscuits. "I think in this next row over," he says, taking a light hold on the corner of the cart and wheeling it into the next aisle as they reach the end of the frozen goods.

Invisibility. There are ways in which Nick understands this; he is a man with two lives, and never the twain shall meet. Yet what she describes is different. "Did it clarify, eventually?" he asks, because most painful experiences do, in some way. Though perhaps not yet - often, these things take time. Then, "Dan. Is he a Sleeper?"

Serafíne

They've missed the aracini balls. Somewhere in that long row of frozen foods. That's alright. The housemate who requested them was making a joke, texting a joke, which flew either under or over our Sera's radar even as it made him smile/smirk in the middle of a boring-retail-afternoon. He didn't actually believe Sera capable of doing so mundane a thing as shopping for perishables other than booze and/or edible marijuana infused chocolates.

Nick asks her if the pain of her isolation clarified, eventually. Sera hums, a quiet thread of consideration at the back of her throat, beneath her tongue. Then, shrugs, a fluid hitch of her narrow shoulders. "Sometimes." Which is: true. Though not in any way that is native to her soul. "Dan's a - " pause. Consideration, wry. " - sleepwalker, you could say.

"Your wife's folks have a more formal name for it. You're really good at asking questions, you know that?"

Oh, dog treats! Sera is almost inclined to buy one of each and every option. Good thing they aren't in a Wegman's or she'd never be able to carry them all home.

Nicholas Hyde

Nick, too, reaches for a box of dog treats, almost as an afterthought. It hasn't occurred to him to remember the aracini balls. As much as Nick seems like he'd be the sort to have a good memory, he doesn't; there's a drifting, distracted sort of quality about him. He's a man who notices a lot, who becomes absorbed in whichever of those things happen to be the most interesting. Usually, that's the person he's with.

"A consor," he says, supplying the formal name. His people, too, make use of them. This is followed by a nod, slow, as he again processes her words, as though it has lent some clarity to him. Perhaps it has.

Sera tells him he's good at asking questions, and his response is amused, a sort of good natured crinkling of his nose and the corners of his eyes. "I'm a counselor. I would hope so," he says. Then, "I'm glad maybe everything is starting to make more sense. In as far as you can make it make sense, I suppose. What were you doing that caused the invisibility to happen?"

Nick is aware that Paradox is often the price (everything has one) of powerful magic. Sera, she feels powerful to him, like one of the mentor-types he'd run into more frequently in the older, more established chantries of the east coast.

Serafíne

"Mmm." Nicholas supplies the Name: consor, and Sera affirms it: yes, consor, that sounds in the back of her throat. Except, "I don't really like that word, you know? Makes him seem less-than-me. Like a privileged servant or an organ-grinder's monkey."

And a sort of sobering of her expression: an awareness, as she hears her own thoughts aloud and finds that they fit, very precisely, into her experience of the world. Even if: that's almost precisely the way she treats Dan, isn't it, in the eyes of someone outside, looking in.

Then Nicholas tells her that he is a counselor, and he is glad that things are making sense again, and Sera's mouth twists itself into a private little smirk. Brief, that, so brief that it hardly surfaces before it smooths out into something else, with a brighter, lilting charm as Nick crinkles his nose. And tells her he's a counselor, and asks another question.

"I fucked up a seeking." So, no. It was not some Great Working, some alteration of the tracking of the spheres. "I mean, I think that's what it was. Maybe I fucked around with time, yeah, maybe it was this ghost-thing at Wat Umong, but I guess it was me. The last thing I remember is this tunnel beneath the Wat. Then I woke up in LAX and no one could see me and no one could see me and nothing worked. Not my phone, not my credit cards. Nothing."

Dog treats acquired, the cart starts moving again, almost of its own volition. No: wait. She is pushing. Nick may still be kinda steering: there is another endcap to circle, people to avoid. A whole aisle of wine-and-beer-and-snacks to navigate.

Huh. Sera's mouth seams, thoughtful, makes this supple moue. All those bottles. "Do you think they sell gin here?"

Nicholas Hyde

Nick hesitates in replying to this, this idea of a privileged servant, because he loves Pen and he respects her Tradition, and yet - "I think that's because that is generally how the Order sees them. But I agree with you."

He misses that private smirk, evidently, since he doesn't remark on it or question it. Or perhaps he doesn't. He listens to her tell him she fucked up a Seeking. She reached, but not far enough, maybe fell - yes, he's heard of this happening to people. "I don't think they sell gin at grocery stores," he says, his tone generously implying the slightest bit of doubt, though he is very sure that they do not in fact. He is very sure at this point that Sera does not grocery shop on her own very often. "But I think I saw a liquor store on the other end of the strip."

There is some consideration of the rows and rows of bottles, before he reaches for a cabernet and sets it alongside the other items in the basket. Nick's sideways glance as Sera talks about her Seeking is curious, and he lingers on this in that quiet way he has been processing the other things she has told him. Perhaps he would like to know whether she has gone Seeking again, whether she was ultimately successful, but these are all very personal questions to ask.

Not that Sera seems as though she would mind, but then again. So, he switches: "Are you much involved in the chantry here?"

Serafíne

Several things that earn Nick another considering glance from Sera. He agrees with her: about consors, the concept of privileged servants, perhaps about something as bright and sure as equality, self-determination, privilege and the parity of souls. God, the importance of choices and the ability to make them, maybe maybe maybe. They are walking down the beer-and-wine aisle in Trader Joe's, an employee in a Trader Joe's t-shirt and jeans with a box-cutter in a holster cutting around them and with no gin in the offing Sera seems disinclined to shop this aisle except: alcoholic ginger beer.

"Oooh." First she takes a picture of the squat little bottles, then she texts it to someone, then she puts two in her cart, and she does all of this without a hint of self-consciousness, though perhaps with a degree of self-awareness that expresses itself in the posture of her body or the twist of her mouth.

And Nick is right of course: Sera does not really go grocery shopping alone. She finds herself sometimes doing things in places without knowing why or how or what time of day or night it is, and that deliberate invitation to dis/orientation, to confusion, to an immediate and hallucinatory experience of the world, to feeling is part and parcel of her magick. Almost, perhaps, the whole of it.

Simple gifts.

"That's," hmmm. He earns, once again, the certainty of her regard. The gleam of her sunglasses beneath the store's lights, steady, steady, "complicated. I guess the answer is, not really, no, not lately - "

The answer feels like the invitation to another question, but there's something else forward in her expression, a sort of furrowing, and hey - there are other people around. Someone checking them out, Nick's basket separated from Sera's buggy and - Sera, sort of humming beneath her breath even as she turns back to him while the clerk zooms through her few purchases.

Nicholas Hyde

[Awareness is important.]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 4, 4, 7, 8, 10) ( success x 3 )

Nicholas Hyde

Maybe maybe maybe. Nick: he doesn't seem generally inclined to say just what he believes. Whatever principles he holds (as a Chakravanti, as a counselor) he holds tightly to his chest: these are things to be acted on, not spoken of. Words are wind.

There is again amusement that limns his angular features as Sera crouches down to photograph the ginger beer bottles. "All kinds of modern wonders in the store, aren't there?" he says. She is taking photos and sending them to a friend, and this gives him a moment to pull his phone from his pocket, to tap out a few words and send them.

Perhaps Pen will share his amusement at running into someone like them at Trader Joe's.

It does invite another question, and Nick was about to ask it, but the sudden thrum of energy (incandescent, unbrided, enthralling - the flame that draws moths, something deeper beneath that, more primal) stops his words in his throat. Sets him on edge even, for a moment, before he understands exactly what is being Worked in front of him, and extrapolates. "Too intrusive?" he asks, mildly.

Serafíne

That mind/life/entropy rote: coincidental. -1 (using unnecessary focus) -1 (time, the taking of) +1 (distracted, conversation)

Dice: 4 d10 TN4 (2, 7, 7, 8) ( success x 3 )

Serafíne

Here they are at the check-out counter and no buggie between them. That has been claimed by a clerk in the standard casual uniform who zips through the groceries, understands without asking the separation of cart/basket, and would probably comment on the number of containers of dog treats except that Sera and Nick are clearly already involved in a conversation of their own, elliptical and allusory as it may be.

Too intrusive? Nick asks, and there is a scrim of an expression on Sera's sharp little mouth. Brief, grim, apologetic even. Oh, call it what it is: rue. Even, on some level, fucking sober.

And, "Naw." Says she, quietly. The glasses conceal some of the nuance of her expression. The delicacy as she looks down at the moving belt. Then up, away, past the display of spring bulbs, through the front windows to the street beyond. "It's more: I gotta be careful, especially with other people's shit, you know? Rumor is: all's not quiet on the western front."

Sera hands over an AmEx to pay for her things. Digs it out of the front pocket of her denim cut-offs.

Sobriety, that's it. It suits her ill.

Nicholas Hyde

There's a smile that Nick directs toward the clerk, an expression that lies somewhere between friendliness and politeness and wanting to acknowledge someone who probably doesn't get acknowledged as a person very much. Then he turns his attention back to Sera, the rueful twisting of her mouth.

Nick adds a chocolate bar to the other items he is purchasing. "That's very considerate of you," he says, of Sera being careful of other people's shit. The way he says this is very neutral, difficult to tell whether he approves or disapproves or whether it's just a simple statement of fact. "I understand. It's better to be cautious."

He takes in this, that all's not quiet: perhaps he has heard this before, suspects on some level that there are Things Happening. He is married to a Hermetic, after all, the Tradition that fancies itself the leader of the others, the one that usually has its fingers in all the pies. "Are you keeping your head down then?"

He already has his debit card ready for the cashier, and swipes it once his items have been scanned. The chocolate bar, some sort of caramel toffee concoction, he hands to Sera. "Pen's suggestion."

Serafíne

Extending!

Dice: 4 d10 TN5 (2, 6, 6, 8) ( success x 3 )

Serafíne

The clerk smiles back at Nick. The expression is neither cursory nor bright, but it is genuine, connected, physical: a sort of crest-and-retreat, back into studied neutrality.

--

Annd Sera, well, the way she stands - at the end of the check-out, a bag hefted out of the cart and held in hand, the picture windows behind her, framing her with the gray light of a late winter's afternoon, threading through her golden hair like (yes) a halo - looks, somehow, as if there were meant to be a chorus of the seraphim behind her, chanting holy holy holy, all burning swords and delirious zealotry and murdered children. Still that working-of-magick in the background but: he profers a chocolate bar and she accepts the chocolate bar and grins, quick and bright, the very simple promise of her pleasure.

--

Is she keeping her head down, then?

Oh, no. Sera shakes her head, no. They are heading outside. The doors swing open: as if by magick and then another set of doors ditto and the a bright blast of cold air. She isn't dressed for it. It doesn't seem to matter. There's a brawny, adolescent dog in the dog parking right outside the front doors who is all sudden-alert in a way that reads as playful not business and no one else in sight.

Sera shrugs, all negligent really. And replies, absolutely straightforward: "I don't think I could keep my head down, if I wanted to. Not really my style, you know? You're not a tech, are you?"

Nicholas Hyde

Sera: for a moment, she burns, something far more intense than the manner of Nick's own Working in spite of the similarities that could initially be perceived. Nick, see, there's something much older, more primal (before Time was recorded, before anyone cared to) underlying his own working. Perhaps the clerk doesn't know what to make of the two of them, perhaps he feels it.

Either way, they are gone. Out the door, their bags in hand, with the chocolate bar exchanging hands. Nick, too, looks pleased that she has accepted.

He directs a smile toward the dog, something somehow warmer than the one he had given the clerk moments before. (People can be less inhibited with animals; there are fewer expectations, fewer nuances. Fewer complications.)

Sera asks if he is a Technocrat, and again, that amusement that crinkles his features could speak for him even before he has answered. "Me? No. I'm Chakravanti," he says, offering up his Tradition without reservation. Then: "Why, have they been a problem around here recently?" Ah, but that - Nick knows more than he is saying right now. It's not a lie, not exactly, but there is no need for him to ask the question. He has someone else's answer already, but he is looking for hers.

Serafíne

Sid, see, she senses shit. The warmth of that smile with which Nick favors her, for example. The beast is sporting a spiked black leather collar that seems thoroughly in keeping with Sera's sartorial flourishes and is tied to the wall with a leash that Sera promptly unhooks from both collar and wall. Sid crouches, playful and experimental, in a way that suggests that she is about to tear off down the street hoping to be chased: but no. She doesn't go far, romps away and then back and allows herself to be buffeted and caressed and adored by her mistress. Her friend. Sera chooses the Trader Joe's brand dog treat that most resembles a snausage and opens the box and offers one or maybe five to Sid without reservation.

There is more romping, and Nick answers Sera and Sera cants her head and he can feel her focus on him in that moment, a gleaming and reflective consideration eminant from those glasses, and then: that focus intensifies. A beat of a moment. Another: before she both nods and also lets go of that Working.

"I haven't had a problem with them." So Sera says, with a neat little shrug. She is already rising from her low crouch. Sid, freed of the lead, does not venture far. She understands complexities like traffic and stays close to Sera unless given the go ahead to let go and runrunrun. "But I've heard that they're changing again. Getting more militant. Hard to know what to believe, you know? You asked about the chantry?"

Nicholas Hyde

Nick waits while Sera favors the dog with one (or five) dog treats, holding both of his bags in either hand. He hasn't drifted across the parking lot to head back to his car, parked at the hospital farther up the road. He is patient, and he is not particularly in a rush (though Pen, who may be hungry, may object.)

"That's what I've heard," Nick says, as Sera explains that they've gotten militant lately. That they're changing. He doesn't say what else he's heard, though it's likely it's something. As Sera said: it's hard to know what to believe.

"I just wondered," he says, in response to her question. "I haven't really been able to get up to the chantry yet myself. I heard there were fewer of us out in places like this than there are on the east coast. I thought maybe you were a ranking member, the deacon or something." Though he's aware, too, that rank and file is handled differently in many places, particularly out here where Hermetics don't carry so much weight.

Serafíne

Sid, see, she senses shit. The warmth of that smile with which Nick favors her, for example. The beast is sporting a spiked black leather collar that seems thoroughly in keeping with Sera's sartorial flourishes and is tied to the wall with a leash that Sera promptly unhooks from both collar and wall. Sid crouches, playful and experimental, in a way that suggests that she is about to tear off down the street hoping to be chased: but no. She doesn't go far, romps away and then back and allows herself to be buffeted and caressed and adored by her mistress. Her friend. Sera chooses the Trader Joe's brand dog treat that most resembles a snausage and opens the box and offers one or maybe five to Sid without reservation.

There is more romping, and Nick answers Sera and Sera cants her head and he can feel her focus on him in that moment, a gleaming and reflective consideration eminant from those glasses, and then: that focus intensifies. A beat of a moment. Another: before she both nods and also lets go of that Working.

"I haven't had a problem with them." So Sera says, with a neat little shrug. She is already rising from her low crouch. Sid, freed of the lead, does not venture far. She understands complexities like traffic and stays close to Sera unless given the go ahead to let go and runrunrun. "But I've heard that they're changing again. Getting more militant. Hard to know what to believe, you know? You asked about the chantry?"

Serafíne

Nick thinks that she might be the deacon or something. Our Sera is straightening now, and she is hefting up her own backs, and here the dog at her knees makes her seem even more feral, even more mythic, right? And there is nothing mannered about her. You'd think Artemis, seeing the girl-and-dog and something about her profile that belongs to seekers and hunters, but: no, not Artemis. Maenad.

Maenad, pleased in the parking lot that someone assumed she might be deacon-or-something of a chantry, and this is precisely how that expression crests: the crisp curve of her delight settling and sobering into something else, more present and complicated. "I was pretty involved," she explains, sobering, "not long after I got here a few years ago. Maybe a year ago, or so, Annie came back. Brought her coterie, Trinity. Annie owns the land.

"They keep it open, you know?

"But it really feels like the chantry belongs to them.

"And," an almost physical comma, here. "Deacon. I'm pretty flattered, but I don't think anyone here takes me that seriously. They're wrong, but - "

This slash of a smile, beneath her sunglasses. It is brimming with a distinctive and characteristic bravado.

"You and your wife should come to one of my parties. 719 Corona Street. Door's always open."

Nicholas Hyde

Deacon-or-something: this wasn't something Nick had said with the intent to be flattering. Though it was a fair assumption: the strength, the easy conversation, the apparent well connectedness; these are things he has come to expect in chantry leaders. Not always Deacons, but council members even.

Still, Sera smiles, and he is pleased to have elicited that reaction. He doesn't hide it. Nick, he's a somber man, for all of his occasional dry amusement and the good humor that frequently underlies his words, but he still basks in the positive emotion. There's little enough of it in the world. He picks up on the complexity of response, too: that she was pretty involved, but then someone came back, and now presumably she is less involved. That's the way it goes, sometimes.

"Thanks for the invitation. I'll extend it to Pen," he says, with a gracious dip of his head. He doesn't ask what kind of party, because he isn't sure and it might not be their kind of party necessarily - but the invitation is what's important. "Maybe we can have you over once there are fewer boxes in our house."

Because oh, right now it's a mess: cross country moves will do that.

Serafíne

There is, indeed, little enough positive emotion in the world writ large. And there is, also: a helluva lot of it wrapped in the spare frame of the Ecstatic with whom Nick is conversing. Positive emotio tempered by grief and suffering assuredly, suffering of a mode that imparts both clarity and opacity, but beneath it all: this impulse to passion, to pleasure, to love, to joy. Goddamnit, she can't even bloody help it.

In the midst of it all, though, the creature beside him practically basks in the nuance. Favors him with a side-slung look that would seem - perhaps - arch if he could see her eyes. Instead; a sense of awareness, of consideration, which lingers on his profile until it seems lush.

"Mmm." Her response to his not-quite-invitation. Which is to say, his invitation: just not-quite-now. "Gimme your number?"

His car is somewhere in the parking lot. between the dog and her state of not-quite-sobriety, it is easy to assume that she walked here and will be walking home.

Nicholas Hyde

This is easy enough, providing her with his phone number: he hasn't bothered to switch it over yet, evidenced by the unfamiliar area code. Perhaps he won't; area codes mean little enough anymore, now that people move across the country and carry their phones with them, the number almost a unique identifier of where they're from, where they've been. He provides the number to Sera, spells his last name - "With a Y, not an I." He does not say "like Jekyll and," which he could, because that joke has been made and made often by people who were not him.

"Did you walk far?" This, a courtesy. Nick has been working for several years now and so the time of eternal pedestriandom is relatively behind him. Still, he remembers.

And Sera doesn't seem entirely sober, now that he thinks about it.

Serafíne

This is a familiar, physical, entirely non-magickal ritual. Nick offers up his phone number and his name, spells it even. Eschews the joke he could make about it, which is for the best after all. Sera might not get it. Her touchstones with the ordinary are equal parts routine and archaic, and her taste in literature runs to French symbolism and lyric poetry, not Victoriania, gothic or no.

And Sera: types in his name and number and then texts him back. ITS ME. Why not? There may even be a pic of Nick attached to that text.

They are parting ways, now, but: he inquires, out of courtesy, whether she walked far.

That slash of a smile again, beneath the frame of her sunglasses. "Not far. Anyway, Sid likes to walk.

"Have a lovely dinner, Nick. See you around."

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Javier Luna

Javier

It's late Sunday afternoon in downtown Denver. The ambient temperature is hovering at 32, which is just cold enough to keep the soft layer of new-fallen snow from melting. Pedestrian traffic in Civic Center Park is a bit sparse, and the lonely violinist standing on the steps near the Southern entrance is already beginning to rethink his choice of venue. Maybe later he'll go back to 16th Street Mall. The tips were good there.

The clouds have cleared and the sun is bright against the snow. Javier finishes tuning the strings on his instrument and tosses a glance in the direction of the orange feline who's currently investigating some unknown (but apparently fascinating) scent near one of the garbage cans. "What do you think, Finn? Paganini? Mendelssohn?" The cat looks up and fixes him with a silent expression. Javier grins. "Paganini it is."

Adjusting the violin beneath his chin, he sets the bow to the strings and begins to play. The piece is Caprice 24. He's practiced it enough now his fingers know the notes by instinct and muscle memory. The music rings out across the open park, echoing against the stone pillars and threading through the air to draw the attention of any who happen to walk past. At first bright and quick, fluid and complex - shifting into longer, deeper notes before jumping high and fast again. The bow has to dance to get this piece right. There's no room for hesitation. No room for thinking. And that's what the music sounds like: dancing. It's wild, ardent, flourishing.

Javier's breath plumes out into the air in little clouds of steam. As he plays, the numbness in his fingers begins to recede, warming with the rapid motions. He's dressed the way one might expect a street musician to be dressed: faded jeans, scuffed boots, fingerless gloves. His coat is an old beige wool trenchcoat that he picked up from Goodwill out in Oregon. There's a scarf and a hat sitting on the step beside him. He always takes them off when he plays. The violin case rests open, ready and waiting for tips (though he doesn't expect much today.) He's standing atop the step so the music will carry further and gradually a small audience begins to collect. One person. Two. Three. It isn't much but he'd keep playing even if it was just him and the cat.

The wind plays with his hair. It's a bit wild too: thick and dark and curled and struck through with little hints of silver. He closes his eyes while he plays, his expression shifting to one of deep focus and churning emotion. Like the music is playing him as much as he's playing it - which, if you asked him, is what he'd say.

----------------------

Javier

[Nightmares]

Dice: 5 d10 TN7 (4, 6, 7, 7, 10) ( success x 3 )

Javier

[Dex and/or Cha (same score) + Art, diff 8 because Paganini is crazy-hard to play, -1 for ability aptitude]

Dice: 7 d10 TN7 (2, 2, 3, 4, 7, 7, 9) ( success x 4 ) [Doubling Tens] [WP]

ix

Witnessed!

Sera

Perception + Awareness
Roll: 7 d10 TN5 (2, 2, 4, 4, 8, 9, 9) ( success x 3 ) [Doubling Tens]

--

She shows up somewhere in the early-middle of the piece, the early rich, soulful ribbon of unfurling sound, one of the first sections where Caprice 24 opens up and unfolds and offers its listeners, its performers, the change to - perhaps - just breathe. Then these needle-bright glissades, so bright and assertive and spectacular they seem like ice, crystallizing then shattering, mid-air. On foot and alone and - yeah - curious and maybe (maybe) he can feel the shift, the change in the air when she arrives. Strangers do, now. Even the deepest sleepers, sometimes. The way she bends the curve of the world.

Apart from the little crowd he has gathered, she settles. Parks her ass on the sandstone railing, leaning her golden head back against one of the ionic columns, legs drawn up, her posture loose, her own eyes only half-closed because she is not listening to the music with the whole of her being, no. She is: watching him create it with the whole of his.

--

Scattered applause as the piece ends and the little knot made cohesive only by their sudden arrest-and-fixation on the stranger-and-his-music starts to break up again. She waits while they shuffle through; dig through purses or the front pockets of skinny jeans all stiff-armed and seeking trying to find some cash to toss into his violin case. Some change here and there, a few bills, yeah.

And her: twenty, twenty-five yards away, wind-whipped and bare legged despite the cold, despite the snow, dyed-blond hair a golden flag over the bulk of her black leather jacket, the solid contact of her boots with the sandstone railing, left leg drawn up, left arm looped around her knee, watching and waiting until the last couple has drifted away: an older woman with a cloud of gray curls and an older man in a fedora he has to keep reaching up to hold down against the wind. That's when she abandons her perch. Half-slides, half-jumps and circles to add her own tip to his open violin case: a couple of twenties folded up so they look like one bill of indeterminate though probably small denomination and a freshly-rolled, artfully twisted joint.

"That was pretty fucking amazing."

And, you know, she means it.

Javier

[Per+Awareness]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (3, 7, 8, 9) ( success x 3 )

---

There's something a little romantic and a little bit sad about the way the violinist feels to Sera's senses. He doesn't have her striking beauty or her bold fashion, but there's a part of him that glows - luminous, especially when he plays. Like moonlight's seeping out of his skin. He resonates keenly with the music, and it's hard to tell at times whether he's playing it or it's playing him but maybe that doesn't matter. The point is, he feels the way emotions feel when they cut straight to your heart (poignant.) Which is also like feeling sad, but that's not always a bad thing.

People don't respond to him the way they do Sera, though. She walks into a space and the air changes. And Javier - he notices. Doesn't lift his eyes to look at her until he's finished the song, but even before then he is achingly aware of her, standing there against the rail listening to him play. When he opens his eyes, there are more people gathered than there were at the start. Some of them likely wandered in off the street when they heard him play. There are days when he pours his heart out and people simply drift past as though he were a fixture of the environment. Then there are days when an entire park stops still to listen. He's had both of those many times over now. For all the years he's been playing, there isn't much he hasn't experienced.

The scattered applause elicits a smile from him, though the lilt of the expression is a little tight (a little vulnerable, maybe.) He's always been better at playing than he was at charming crowds. Still he thanks the small audience, and when he smiles the second time it feels more assured.

By now the cat has wandered back to the steps and jumped up beside Javier to crouch with its body tucked low and its tail curled around its paws. Its golden eyes give a lazy blink in the sunlight. It doesn't feel the way Henry's fox does. It doesn't speak, or otherwise do anything especially wondrous. It's just a cat. (A cat that evidently appreciates violin music.)

Javier hops off the step, and when Sera approaches to add her tip to the case, he watches her with dark eyes and fixed focus. The joint gets a brief, bright grin. In truth, sometimes pot makes him paranoid. But sometimes it doesn't, and those are good days. Maybe this one'll be lucky.

That was pretty fucking amazing.

"Thank you." He nods toward the case to indicate he means the tip as well as the compliment. When a breeze gusts past, he's quick to transfer the contents into his pocket before a stray bill manages to float away. When he looks up, his eyes make this quick, instinctive scan of the landscape, darting from one end of the park to the other. They return to Sera's face quickly. She's a difficult creature not to look at. Then he just laughs a little and says, "Wow, you feel intense. When you came over I think I almost missed a note."

Sera

It's cold as fuck and she's hardly dressed for it and it doesn't feel like she's Working, precisely, to keep the cold at bay, though up-close the world seems to be both brighter and warmer in her presence. Leather jacket (black, battered) left unzipped over a hoodie (black, washed-and-worn), over an old Siouxsie Sioux tee cropped to reveal at least the lower-third of her expensive lace bra, these little denim cut-offs held up by a solid black leather belt full of grommets and studs. Fishnets, naturally. Solid boots that seem near-flat but still give her a solid inch-or-two which makes them almost of a height. Her only concession to the cold in that little exchange is the way she holds her hands in the pockets: this solid, forward motion that seems matched with the way she turns into the wind, when she does so. Hunched a bit: like resistance.

"I am intense, but I don't believe that." Quick smile, full of that bladed charm, "I think you'd only skip a note if it needed skipped. If the moment required its absence." but yeah - she seems pleased when he tells her she feels intense. Not smugly pleased or sharply pleased but quite simply: pleased.

And she's standing there feeling the curve of the earth and the cut of the wind and that poignant, luminous resonance that makes her throat close and her spine ache with wanting, see, those-who-are-gone.

And just like that, there are tears in her eyes.

And just like that, she reaches up and nudges the her sunglasses down to cover them up. The wind, you know? It stings.

"I'm Serafíne. You can call me Sera." The sun gilds her glasses, just so. Late in the day as it is, she is only recently awake. A little bit hung over, a little bit something else. Hair still a little bit damp from a shower.

"Play me something else, yeah? If your fingers aren't too cold."

Javier

Javier

[Retroactive roll for composing: Int and/or Manip (same score) + Art, -1 diff (ability aptitude)]

Dice: 8 d10 TN5 (1, 2, 2, 3, 5, 5, 7, 7) ( success x 5 ) [WP]

Javier

[Dex/Cha + Art, we'll say base diff... 7 -1 for aptitude again]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 2, 4, 6, 6, 8, 10) ( success x 4 ) Re-rolls: 1

Javier

[That should have been doubled - I'm an idiot. So 5.]

the devil

Witnessed!

---

Sera thinks he's lying. Javier's laugh is both pleased and self-deprecating. "Believe me, I have my off days. But it's flattering you think so."

Just like that, there are tears in Sera's eyes. She covers them with her sunglasses. It could just as easily be the wind, and if Javier suspects otherwise he doesn't indicate it. He does watch her for a moment though. It isn't always easy to keep his focus level when he isn't playing. His eyes want to move: to check the shadows and the trees and the pillars and the windows of the passing cars, to check the faces of the people who pass by. It isn't always easy, but he does it now without even thinking. Tunes out their surroundings (tunes out the cold, even) so that he can watch her. Wonder about her. She's younger than he is but, in many ways, stronger. And she's dressed like she wants to tell winter to go fuck itself.

You can call me Sera.

"Sera," he repeats. He doesn't offer her a hand because his hands are full, but he smiles in this way that feels a little soft and intimate. "I'm Javier. And I think... I can conjure something up."

Truth is, his fingers are cold. But they've been cold every winter for going on twelve years now. If he let inclement weather stop him from playing he'd never eat. So he props the violin under his chin and hovers the bow over the strings again. It takes him a moment to decide on what to play. In the intervening time the noises of nearby traffic can be heard over the wind.

Then he moves his hand, and there is music again.

The song he chooses isn't something that Sera will find familiar. It isn't quite so technically daring as Paganini, but it's lovely in its own right. The tone of the piece is melancholy and nostalgic, reaching these lonely high notes that manage to border the place between joy and sadness (bittersweet) before falling to a low, aching keen of regret. There's longing there. Music like an echo of memory. And just like before, Javier's body is absolutely overtaken by it.

By the time he's done, there are tears in his own eyes. Soft and glistening when he blinks them open. He brushes the back of his gloved hand over his wind-reddened cheek.

"I haven't quite finished that one yet."

Sera

They say the violin is the instrument closest in tone to that of the human voice. In the brisk air of that late Sunday afternoon, Javier's notes - well, they carry. Sera stands a bit apart from him, her golden head and gleaming glasses turned to the spare line of the sun where it is beginning to set against the horizon, and the audience returns. Here and there: in ones and twos and threes, they filter back. And no one quite knows what to make of it: music like that in the park late on a winter afternoon. Girl like that standing there like a rock star hidden behind her sunglasses: head cocked. Listening.

A few more coins, and a few more dollars are tossed into that open case.

There is applause - scattered, if only because it is hard to understand how to react to a work of such emotional power, or perhaps so naked a display of vulnerability in a performer - and then the strangers turn away to go about their lives.

Sera, though, turns on heel and then rocks up to her tip-toes and reaches for him and brings him close, if he allows it. The warm pressure of her mouth on his cheek, present enough that she tasts the salt from his tears. She smells a little bit like sleep and a little bit like tea and a little bit like cloves and a little bit like whiskey and the tip of her nose is red and maybe running, just a bit, from the cold. Cups her hand in his hair, around the back of his skull, and murmurs against his skin, "That was lovely. Thank you." Something about the moment feels like: communion, benediction. Something reverent, quiet, holy.

Then, just as easily, she lets him go.

"Wanna go get something to eat?" Quick little grin. "Someplace where you can warm up those fingers?"

Javier

There's a point during the song when the cat, orange fur ruffling in the wind, sits up and turns his head toward Javier. The sight of it cuts an endearing picture - like something out of a film or a storybook where music has the power to entrance the animal kingdom. Truth is, there are days when Finn would rather wander off to hunt mice and stare at songbirds. Cats can be capricious creatures. Today though: he listens. And when it's over he jumps down from his perch and twines himself around Javier's leg, his small body shivering lightly from the cold.

He and Sera have similar inclinations. Javier, who isn't really used to physical contact that isn't of the feline variety, goes a bit still when Sera touches him. His eyes fall shut when her lips (cold skin and warm breath) meet his cheek. She smells like an artist. He smells like old wool and winter, with traces of cigarette smoke and pine resin and a lingering note of coffee on his breath. His hair is thick beneath her hand. The moment feels touched by quiet reverence and Javier gives into that - receptive in the wake of his vulnerability. He doesn't try to touch her back, but when she pulls away his eyelids lift so he can regard her, long lashes giving a little butterfly sweep.

Beneath them, the cat meows quietly.

Wanna go get something to eat?

Now he smiles. "I wouldn't turn it down," he says, because he seldom turns down food (can't really afford to.) Though there have definitely been offers that he's accepted with more reticence. He pockets the last of the tips and sets his violin back into its case. The instrument is old: its varnish scratched and faded. Judging by the sound, the quality of its craftsmanship could best be described as passable. It will never be played in a concern hall, but it serves its purpose well enough. Most of his impromptu audience members don't have an ear for the difference anyway.

After snapping the case closed, Javier bends down to pick up the cat (who seems to tolerate the contact with a patience born of repeat handling.) "This is Finn, by the way. Say hello Finn."

Finn looks at Sera. In the sunlight, his eyes gleam bright tiger-gold. He gives a little swish of his tail. Javier opens his coat long enough to tuck the cat inside of it, sheltering him beneath his arm. He gets his scarf and hat, shaking loose any clinging snow, and puts them back on, winding the former around his neck loosely. Finally he re-fixes the buttons on his coat and grabs the violin case.

"Where to?"

Sera

"Hullo Finn," somehow talking cats (it isn't talking Sera but whatever: Javier is talking for it) seem to require a Hullo rather than a Hello. There is a distinctive hollowing of the vowel there, a certain attention she gives to the animal, as if she were expecting it to answer back or something. As if she were waiting for it to answer, but no, the cat gleams all golden-eyed at her and allows himself to be picked up and hauled about and tucked away all with a steady and signaturely feline dignity that says: no, nothing untoward is happening to me, and Sera watches and watches and waits while Javier puts away: violin and rosin and bow and button up his coat and rewind the scarf around his neck and standing still in this cold has the cold starting to get to her, but Sera, she sets her teeth against the possibility of chattering. This firm clench of her molars, this entrenched, defiant resistance. "I've never seen a cat allow himself to be manhandled like that. He must fucking adore you."

And then he's ready and in the time he has been stowing away his instrument she has been considering and discarding options, one after another. So many places are closed, or closed early, or closing soon, on Sunday evenings.

Still:

"Let's go to Public House." He's packed up now, holding his violin case in one hand, bundled against the cold. She: seems inclined to insinuate herself into his space again, and goes to link her arm through his free one. And yes, she likes being close. But on some level, she is also using his body as a windbreak, or a bulwark against the cold. "It's like six or eight blocks from here? Kinda south. I'm not sure where you parked, but it's not too far."

Javier

He must fucking adore you.

Javier laughs at that. Under his coat Finn squirms a little, adjusting his position to get comfortable beneath the layers. "We have a lot in common, me and Finn. He claimed me back when he was a kitten. I think at some point he figured out being manhandled was better than being cold and hungry." Desperation will make animals (and people) do strange things. There's a certain fierceness to their bond, the violinist and his cat, that speaks of loneliness. "He doesn't seem to mind it as much in the winter," Javier adds, his expression softly wry. There's still a bit of moisture clinging to his eyelashes. It's starting to freeze in the cold air and he has to blink the loosen them.

Sera suggests Public House. In truth, she probably could have suggested anything within easy travel distance and Javier would have followed along gamely. It isn't a name or a place he's familiar with, but then he isn't familiar with much of Denver (yet.) There's likely something a bit telling about the fact he brings the cat with them; that he even carries Finn around like this at all. Something telling, too, about the way he looks at Sera when she loops her arm through his and leans in close to his body heat. Not like it bothers him (it doesn't - not now, not when he can see her coming and he knows it's her and not some unnamed threat) but like he doesn't quite know what to make of it: the ease with which she touches him, and the prickle of sharp awareness that comes with being this close to another human body. He seems to pick up on the fact she's cold though (she must be, with what she's wearing,) and as they start to walk he turns himself into the wind to block the worst of it from striking her.

"I don't think I've met anyone like you," he says quietly. And he doesn't really mean the way she dresses or the way she speaks, though she might take it that way. "Como si fueras encendida por dentro."

Sera

Sometimes walking in such cold with such wind takes all one's energy. Winter is like that, isn't it? Hungry fucking bastard. Sera walks arm-in-arm as if it were natural and this close he can certainty sense the forced, deliberate tension in her spare body, the way she stiffens all the long muscles in her body in her campaign to resist and refuse the cold. They walk; he turns himself into a windbreak and she tucks both hands into the pockets of her coat and ducks her head when a turn takes them head-on into the wind. Once, a certain blast of high-plains wind has her unearthing her hands and zipping up the hoodie and she manages that, somehow, without really letting go of his arm.

It is a brisk walk through the gathering dark. There aren't many people outside at this hour, in this weather. The odd jogger heavily kitted out against the weather, headphones insulting them entirely from the world. The odd dog walker. A few others hunkered against the cold, heading out for a few last errands before evening darkens to night.

The scent of woodsmoke in the air. Maybe a half-block ahead: Public House, so announces a low-key sign on a squat, red-brick building that has been transformed with wide glass windows all around the lower level. There's a modest exterior patio with extra seating warmed by an inviting looking fireplace, but the night is both too cold and too slow for anyone except the a smoker to seek refuge out there. Right now, no smokers in sight. Just that slightly disorienting view of the people inside, leaning over tables, engaged in - well, something. Conversation, debate, argument, engrossed in a book, a laptop, the screen of a cellphone, anything. All those strangers, all their lives, separated from the observer.

Sera gives Javier a little nudge, a little tip of her golden head to say: hey! that's where we're going! and starts to angle them in that direction. She is moving perhaps a little bit faster (the promise of both warmth and cocktails immanent from the cafe/bar) when he tells that he's never met anyone like her. That first sentence she does not take any particular way, though something about it arrests her. Really does arrest her: the creature stops and gives this sharp and borderline animal cant of her head, her glasses fixed on his profile. The sun's more or less gone now, why the fuck does she persist in wearing them? But wear them she does, and her mouth tucks itself into a strange little twist beneath them.

Then he goes on, and Sera, she shakes her head. This neat little negation.

"Yo no te creo . Todo el mundo está quemando por dentro."

Something about the way she says that - reverent, almost prayerful, burning - tells him that she believes it, too.

Javier

They head toward the bar. As the wall of windows draws near, Sera's pace increases. She's only a couple of inches shorter than Javier - give or take the extra height from her shoes - and he has to give a little jog to keep hold of her, laughing quietly at the awkwardness of it. The jostling motion of his steps briefly annoys the cat curled snugly against his side, resulting in a sleepy meow and a shifting of fabric as Finn puts his paw on Javier's chest and pokes his head out the collar. A moment later he blinks, tucks his ears back and huddles down inside again - clearly not much in the mood for the cold.

They stop there, outside Public House. Nearby the warmth and light from the bar seeps out onto the sidewalk as though to beckon them inside. Javier seems quietly pleased she understood his Spanish, and when she offers that counterpoint a wistful smile spreads slowly across his face. Like he's thinking of things that are both here and not-here.

"Perhaps you are right."

Somewhere nearby, a car engine gives a loud pop. Javier startles in this subtly animal way, eyebrows lifting as his gaze darts toward the noise. Once he identifies the sound he exhales through his mouth, focusing on the rabbit-pulse beat of his heart.

"Let's get inside. Me estoy congelando mis cojones apagado."

Observe: the classy violinist. He shuffles up to the door and holds it open with his shoulder.

Sera

Javier tells her that perhaps she is right and Sera has a smile on her face that is equal parts smug and beatific: yes, she is right, of course she is. And it all could be rather infuriating if there weren't something so immediate and maybe reverent and somehow, strangely absent about that smugness, but there's no time to analyze it because: anyway. Somehow a car backfires. You know: from her, a certain sort of seizure that occurs and immediately passes, autonomic reaction to a startling sound, nothing more. They're close enough that she is absolutely aware of his reaction, though. The liminal tension. Her sunglasses on his profile, and behind them her dark eyes, and within this attentiveness that is physical, immediate, present. Neat little pressure of a frown-that-isn't-anything but the impression of a passing consideration, perhaps even concern, between her brows.

So: aware. Here-is-a-bruise aware, and here is a creature who does not rush to fill that space with questions or assumptions and when he tells her that they need to go inside or his balls are gonna freeze off, well,

"Functionally I think that seems pretty fucking unlikely,"

she gives him a small smirk, "but wouldn't wanna risk it, hmmm?" that is framed by something else, less definable, accepts as he opens the door, and heads inside.

They unlink arms, then. Hard and awkward to handle doors and instrument cases and menus and the like and she knows the place, heads right for the menus in a rack on the wall, picks up two and hands him one. It's not the usual arrangement for a bar-cafe: there's a clerk (side-cut dyed a somewhat muddy trio of pink-green-blue) at the register ready to take their order - drinks and food - who'll then hand them a wand to post on their table for the servers to bring when food/drinks are ready. Neat buzz in the air, though, an open kitchen that hums with energy even at this hour, which is really pretty slow. A huge central hearth with another wood-burning fireplace and the tables and booths radial out from there. This cat-walk of a 'second floor overlooking the main floor.

Sunday is all-day-brunch and Sera orders the cowboy breakfast plus a side of rosemary roasted potatoes and one, no wait two Bloody Mary's and one wonders where the whip-lean creature intends to store all of that food and she waits while Javier orders and then adds on an extra serving of housemade sausage (she is thinking of Finn-the-cat) and hands over an AmEx that she digs outta an inner pocket of her leather jacket. They get a couple of little wands (one for drinks, one for food) and Sera allows Javier to pick where they sit. She noticed his reaction to the noise. Wherever he chooses, she slides in across from him. Still that humming sense of not precisely inebriation, not quite yet, but alteration. Of refusal of the rules of ordinary behavior. She leans forward, tattooed forearms braced on the table, like they're old, old friends breaking bread together for the first time in an age. They talk. The night moves. The world turns.


Sunday, January 10, 2016

Ritual. Intention. Repetition. Focus.


Alexander

Sunday night might seem like a strange night to spend out on the town to most normal people. When a person’s life is centred on the Monday to Friday/9-5 cycle, this would be well past the point that you’d be asleep. But there are those who don’t fit the normal pattern. Freaks and deviants? Well, that all depends on where you stand and how you define such things. Students, shift workers, the young, the old, the unemployed. Those who have stepped back from society and those who society has pushed away. For them, this is as much playtime as hitting the bar at 17:05 on a Friday.

It’s late. Late enough for the clubs that cater for the freaks and deviants to have closed their doors, forcing the revellers out into the streets. Some drift home, some drift to others’ homes to continue the likely-transient-possibly-lasting relationships that chance has brought together. Others drift away for food or coffee. Which brings Alex here, to this 24 hour diner somewhere not-so-far from the downtown club he’d spent the night in. He’s sat alone at a table by a window, looking out over the parking lot. A cup of filter coffee, poured from the jug a little before it turned from strong to burned, sits on the table in front of him, along with a plate with the remains of pancakes. A heavy coat has been dumped on the chair next to him, revealing a mostly-black t-shirt. Mostly, apart from some marks on the back that look like wings under UV lighting. Some bright blue combats, heavy (and warm) boots finish the look.

He sits and watches the occasional flake of snow fall from the sky, and watches the few people walking along the street outside. It will get busier soon, as the world comes back to life and people start making their ways to work.

Serafíne

Perception + Awareness

Dice: 7 d10 TN5 (2, 3, 6, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) ( success x 6 ) Re-rolls: 1

Serafíne

Perception + Awareness

Dice: 7 d10 TN5 (2, 2, 4, 4, 8, 9, 9) ( success x 3 ) [Doubling Tens]

Serafíne

The bars close in Denver at 2:00 a.m. and weekend nights there's a outrush after; places like Tom's Diner get filled up and stay that way for most of the remaining hours between last call and dawn but Sunday night, god: slow everywhere unless there's a show at the Fillmore or the Ogden and even then, after: everyone rushes home. Work, and school, and everything that defines ordinary lives begins anew, at first light.

--

Here, though. The tired looking waitress and the line cook who is fast enough that he can handle both the dinner and the breakfast menus, the sharp blast of cold everytime the doors open. Another: now. This tightly knotted but diverse little group that is larger than it seems because a few of them are lingering outside while someone holds the door to take a last drag or three on dark-papered kretek cigarettes and perhaps a guttering little roach of a once-joint. They know the space and don't bother to wait to be seated (that sign is turned around anyway: PLEASE SEAT YOURSELF it says on the other side) but slip-stream through to a round booth in a deep corner not far from Alexander's singular table.

One detaches herself, though. Plants her hands flat on the table and shimmy-shimmies her way back out as soon as she's slid in and ambles over to Alexander's.

Can't ignore her, the way she deforms the world. The way she makes it seem: brighter, sharper, stranger, wilder. She is wearing: a battered leather jacket over a man's collared, b,utton-down shirt beneath a slightly-oversized plaid cardigan. The lower hem of the cardigan hits her at the hip. The shirt is slightly longer, the scallops of the shirttails cover hit her at the upper thigh at the longest point. She is still wearing that shirt as a dress, apparently. The only thing she wears beneath are thigh-high black tights held up by (visible) lace garters with neat little black-and-white buttons on the bands. Stars march up the back of her legs where the seams of nylons were meant to lay, back when tights were nylons and nylons had seams.

"The hell are you doing out so late?" she asks with a twist of her mouth and a certain rapt scrutiny as she folds herself into the seat opposite.

Alexander

[Awareness too?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (4, 5, 5, 7, 10) ( success x 2 )

Alexander

One thing about this time of year: it sometimes feels that it and Alexander were made for each other. Or, maybe, close steps along a single process. The cold, to freezing, to Frozen. His resonance, so out of place during the hot summer months, seems to blend into the background during the winter. It might not be as noticeable to someone less perceptive than Sera, but then that’s something she always seems to be: perceptive. Possibly not in quite the same way as other people, depending on what combination of chemicals is running through her veins and neurons, but she always seems to have a depth of awareness that others lack.

Her presence is announced before the door opens. Or, rather, a presence is announced. The resonance that he picks up on is familiar in some ways, different in others. It’s different enough that he doesn’t assume who it surrounds. So he turns when the door opens, quickly dropping the air temperature in the diner by a couple of degrees as the cold night air races in. It’s a natural enough response, this seeing who’s arriving. It takes a few moments to narrow down its source, but then it’s obvious. Sera. It doesn’t seem like he’s been noticed, as she follows the flow of the group and settles down next to a table. Alexander had gotten used to the way that she comes and goes, with the ebb and flow of time and tide. So if she comes over, she comes over. If she doesn’t, then there will be other times and other places where they will meet.

So Alexander turns back and returns to looking out of the window. At least until he feels the movement behind him, hears the padded footsteps on the hard, tiled floor. She settles into the chair on the other side of the table, and he smiles as she does so.

The hell are you doing out so late? “Late? Isn’t it early yet? I’m pretty sure it’s early. Anyway, right now? Drinking coffee and thinking about pie. Earlier? Getting lost in flashing lights and thumping music. I seem to have lost my glowstick, though.” The coffee, rather closer to cold than hot now, is finished off. Alexander looks over to the counter, hoping to catch the notice of the waitress to get a refill. She’s already moved over to the group, scribbling down orders on her small pad of paper, so he leaves it for the moment. “How about you? Good night?”

Serafíne

Late? Early? Sera favors Alexander with a neat little smirk as he takes her question and rephrases and reframes it to mean exactly the same thing and there's something about the arch-and-challenge of her quite-strangely-direct-gaze that suggests she is either not as high as one might suspect she would be: at this hour, on this sort of night; or, conversely, much, much more fucked up. And she doesn't say anything specific as he allows that he is drinking coffee and thinking about pie, just seams her lovely mouth with that arch little note at the corner.

"Wait, fuck. You had a glowstick? Were you dancing or just - " a drunken little spiral of her right hand, then. Elbow on the table, the dull gleam of the bronze ring she always wears on her index finger, the indecipherable scrawl of her tattooes dark sigils against her skin. " - monitoring the crowd for infractions against law-and-order?"

Alexander

There may be the argument that it’s late and early, that everything, everywhere, everywhen are one. But those conversations need a great deal more privacy, and potentially a great deal more alcohol.

The comment about monitoring the crowd for infractions gets an amused huff. “Oh, my uniform is most definitely in the wardrobe tonight. Or, if you want to get technical, lying in a heap by washing machine. No, I was enjoying a night free of…” There are so many ways to end that sentence, but again there are others not so far away that might think strangely of a lot of them. “…drama.”

Alexander sets the cup back on the table and looks again at Sera, cocking his head to the side a little. “You’ve changed. And I’m pretty sure it’s not a new haircut. It suits you.”

Serafíne

"I went seeking." So she tells him, straight-out. That odd steadiness still evident in her animal-bright eyes. "First time I fucked it the fuck up - " and there is a wry twist of her mouth that almost, but not quite, works itself into a grimace. Layers of nuance in a soft, bruised beat of her eyes. This note, this marking-time, the raw directness of that look cut in two by the beating of her heart as she looks at him and then: away.

And then: back again. Deep breath in, deep breath out, the whole world opening, opening, opening. " - and it sucked. Second time, though - "

Quick twist of her shoulders: that's all except for the sense of rightness about her. The surety, the strange solidity that is sometimes, somehow, the bedrock of bliss. A moment where she is very far away and then another: an orienting, a refocusing.

On Alexander.

"So your nights without drama. You get lost in the crowd and then you go out for coffee and pie and then you go home: alone?"

Alexander

The grimace, the look away: it’s noticed, how could it be anything but noticed? Alexander meets her eyes, rests a warm hand on hers on the table. “Are you ok? I mean, you know… You seem great now, and all. But are you?” Are you fine? Or more than fine?

“I was wondering how that whole thing worked. I didn’t know it was the kind of thing you could go looking for. I thought it just kinda… happened.“ He shrugs. None of this stuff seemed to have much of a guidebook – except maybe for the Hermetics, which probably involved new and interesting places to put your magic wand – but he can’t help wondering, again: when will it be my turn?

But back to the night. “I dunno, lost in the crowd? Become part of it? Feel the music and the crowd and the light and live in that moment?” He gives another lop-sided shrug. “Something like that.”

Alone? “For now. I’m not sure my life is one I’d want to drag anyone else into right now, you know? The line of work isn’t exactly safe.”

Serafíne

"I'm brilliant," Sera tosses back when Alexander asks if she is, you know, okay? And somehow it is all-at-once fitting (how she feels, now. that sense of potential-to-flame, of incandescence) and a truth, whole and entire, as much as it is a kind of prevarication. "After the first time around I was wrapped the fuck up in paradox. Sleepers couldn't see me, not even Dan, for like, a month or - "

"Sucked, man." Neat little twist of her narrow shoulders, a perfectly dismissive shrug. "I'm cool, now, though." And she is. That's true. She suffered. She: came through.

--

"You know. I've never known whether its boys, for you, or girls. Or both. Or neither?

"I mean. If you were free. If your life was one you wanted to drag someone into?"

Inquisitive cant of her golden head.

Alexander

“So many things do, these days.” Alexander breaks the contact, moving his hand away to pick up his empty cup. “I’d drink to brilliant, but I appear to be sadly lacking in anything to actually drink.” He breaks eye contact again, looking again to the counter. This time he manages to catch the waitress’s eye and raises the empty cup. She flicks him a smile and a nod.

He turns back to Sera, setting the cup back at the edge of the table – easier for it to be topped up, rather than forcing the waitress to stretch over the table. “Oh, women. Men don’t do anything for me in the bedroom department. Although I’m still not sure I’d want to, you know? Not right now, anyway. One day. If the right woman came along.”

“How about you? Anyone special in your life at the moment?”

Serafíne

"Mmm." One of those noises one slips into conversation, not precisely meaningless but still somehow a placeholder, but in her mouth-and-throat the placeholder is warm and strangely attentive. Alexander shoots that look at the waitress and she answers his unspoken question and our Sera follows that glance after a half-second of drunken hangtime. She is favoring the world tonight with a compressed but thoughtful smile, rubbing the meat of her thumb over the smooth band of her bronze ring while she breathes in and breathes out and, you know, is.

"There are - " curve of her striking little mouth as her dark eyes dance back to him, around him, over him, both sharp-and-seeking and strange-and-tender at once. She is feeling - delicate tonight. Like the world is made of glass and living on her tongue. " - that shit's pretty complicated, with me. You know? I'm not exactly conventional, when it comes to love or sex. Or how they recombine.

"You know that." Steady-on, the way her eyes linger, fixed and warm and fucked-up and sure, on his. "Right?"

Let the waitress come over with the coffee pot and the refill he wants. Wouldn't phase Sera, not one bit.

"I mean, surely I told you that the first time I met Pan, I asked him to make out."

Alexander

“I know you’re not exactly traditional when it comes to that whole thing.“ His hands gesture some indistinct, indefinable concept. “But beyond that, I don’t really know how it works for you. Although I never really thought it was much of my business, either.” He maintains the eye contact but there’s another shrug as he leaves the subject hanging, leaving it to her as to whether to share or not to share.

It’s perhaps fortunate that Alex doesn’t have a full cup at that precise moment, especially one that he’s taking a drink from. Because Sera would quite possibly have been showered in coffee at the same time he choked on it. But they are saved that particular indignity, and his jaw figuratively hits the table. Seconds tick past as he tries to combine the image he has of the priest, as limited as it is, with his image of Sera. “Um, no. I didn’t know. How did that go down?” Fire and brimstone?

Serafíne

Per + Empathy

Dice: 7 d10 TN5 (1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9) ( success x 4 )

Alexander

[Alexander doesn't seem particularly uncomfortable talking about what he knows about Sera's attitude to relationships, although he really doesn't know much more than it's not a one-man-one-woman view. He just doesn't want to pry into something that, honestly, doesn't impact on him. If she's comfortable talking about it more, he probably isn't going to find an excuse to leave.]

Serafíne

"He was pretty fucking unmoved, you know? And he asked me if I wanted to confess my sins and be shriven and forgiven and I was all: fuck no, but something about the whole of it made made me think of a shadow that felt, back then, pretty dark and immoveable, and there was this inchoate moment where I had the sense that something was collapsing underfoot and he was cool about that, too.

"Invited me back to his office.

"Offered me tea, maybe. Six weeks later, we went together to hunt one of the Fallen. So. I guess it went well?"

Something supple about her expression: almost serene, strangely fierce. And that tenderness that sharpens and deepens into a complex amalgam of love. We usually break it down into pieces, don't we? Romantic, fraternal, platonic. Distinguishing in from the merely: loving. She doesn't. It all just simmers there: her surest strength, her most vulnerable weakness, that muscular heart.

"You asked me about seeking earlier. No one's told you about it?"

Alexander

As Sera talks, Alex shifts position a little. He keeps the eye contact, keep listening, but rests his elbows on the table to rest his chin on the back of his interlaced fingers. What she says, though, doesn’t really fit in with his image of Pan. An opinionated, arrogant man who assumed that he knew best. But it wasn’t just Sera who seemed to have had a lot of time for the man. Kalen did too, as did Grace.

“I never really got to know him. Not that we had the greatest of first encounters. I don’t think I ever told you quite how close I was to taking a swing at him when he tried to stop me helping Grace in the library.” Another shrug, just as the waitress swings past the table with the jug of filter coffee. “That probably wouldn’t have ended well.”

He waits until she’s refilled the cup and drifted away again, moving on to collect plates of food to deliver to another table, before continuing. “That shadow, what was it? The Fallen?”

No one’s told you about it?

There’s a glance away, at the others in the diner. Nobody close by, nobody seemingly paying any attention to them. Certainly no more than Sera normally attracts, and it would be her getting the attention at that particular table. People have a habit of not noticing him, sometimes, especially when there’s someone as noticeable as she.

“Bits and pieces. I know it’s something to do with getting closer to your avatar, or something like that anyway. It seems like most people feel a little different after having one, although Kalen changed a whole lot more. And wasn’t that just hilarious when he tried sneaking up on me afterwards.” There’s a smile, but not much humour behind it. It hadn’t been a great time, thinking that something else had taken on Kalen’s image. “But nobody’s really said how or why it happens. I just assumed it was like waking up: it just happens when it happens.”

Serafíne

He asks about that shadow, what was it and Sera with her too-dark eyes and slightly-engorged pupils just watches him, the supple sway to the way she holds her head, not precisely still but with some sort of intimation of stillness, some facsimile, as if all the rest of the world were moving around her. Oh, hey. It is.

This quick, tight little smile. Complex, nostalgic, sorrowful. All these things in turn, braided with a dark thread that gleams gold when it is turned to the light: a compassion so specific and acute, somehow so recent, it pains her. She doesn't mind that pain, Sera. Lives within it as surely and as thoroughly and as entirely as she lives within her pleasures, and that is all there, in the space of a few breaths, in the quick-curve of her neat little mouth. But: she doesn't answer that particular question.

"Becoming closer to your avatar is sort of a - " her arms spread on the table. She cants her head and watches the distorted reflection of her body move in the dull-shine on the diner's formica table. " - dryly academic way of putting it.

"But think about the world, right? Seeking. It's not usually something that just happens to you. It's something you go looking-for. Are you getting frustrated with your limitations? Ready to take the next step?"

Alexander

Alexander watches Sera as the rest of the diner continues its motion around them. Steam swirls up from the cup at the edge of the table, drifting with the eddies of hot and cold air that move through the diner. He watches the smile come and go, waiting for the answer to the question that doesn’t find a voice. There’s so much about this woman that Alexander really doesn’t know, but it doesn’t actually matter as much as the things that he does know. She was there when he woke up. She helped him to find his feet. She tried to show him the endless wonder that she sees in the world, even though he pulled away from the contact: too much, too close. She shares what she chooses to, in much the same way that she is where and when she chooses to be.

He frees a hand, though, and rests it on hers again for a moment. Perhaps the contact is surprising, given the way that he’s withdrawn from contact in the past. But, then, circumstances were different. Contact itself isn’t something he is against, something to be avoided. He’s consciously aware of how physical contact can be comfort, and it is something he offers. Even if it’s not something he accepts, withdrawing from it when he’s the one struggling to cope.

Alex snorts when Sera says it’s a dryly academic way of putting it. “Yeah, that’s probably why it doesn’t really make all that much sense, you know? It’s not like I can take it out for dinner and date to get to know it a little better. Is it? Hell, I’m still not entirely sure who, or what, it is.” He pauses, then, breathing. Sighing. He looks down at the table, seeing the same distorted reflection in the table. Little detail, but patterns of light and shade as they block out the light from the ceiling lamps.

“Frustrated? Yeah, you could say that.” Frustration that he wasn’t good enough to hold back Kozlowski from crossing over to search for the black, endless river that they all, eventually, sleep in. Frustration that he couldn’t imitate what he had seen Sera and Kalen do when the Message had pulled them into another world, looking back to see what had flowed through time before their arrival.

Serafíne

Sera has these rather deft, rather small hands - thoroughly framed with ink. Tattoos on the sides of her fingers, wedged around her hand, circling her wrist. Words, mostly, though in stylized fonts so ornate or narrowly fitted onto the smallest sort of canvas they are near-to-unreadable. Dates maybe. Other scraps of script that must have had meaning to her, once.

Maybe they still do.

Alexander rests his hand on top of hers and she glances up at him, quick and keen and (yes) wry. Turns her hand over beneath his so her own is palm-up. The most absurd tattoo there: scissors with the blades on her middle and index finger, the handles on her palm, turning into a shark that corkscrews toward her inner wrist. These are not soft hands. She's a musician and has the callouses to prove it. The ring on her right index finger hums with someone else's resonance: sundrenched. soaring. Makes the room feel warmer, almost immediately. Maybe that's how she can bear the forward-march of winter in that absurd wardrobe of hers.

"Alexander. Your Avatar isn't some - vaguely indifferent god dwelling in some other-realm, you know? I mean, I suppose it could be if that's what you believe. It's part of you. It is you; some fragment of you, the same way you are some fragment of the universe, the first movement, whatever the fuck you wanna call it. However you see it."

A sharp breath in. Her head all aslant, something about the cast of the light in the room or perhaps the cast of the soul in her body makes her seem: brighter. Burning. Haloed. Maybe it's a trick of perception, the specificity of that awareness. She is smiling though, privately, aware of her self, of the breath in her lungs, of the fine, imperfect absurdity of the moment.

"I don't know how you do magick. If it's mystical or sensory or some strange, bastardized, fucked-up science-y shit, or god or the devil or a sparrow that lives in your throat and pecks the secrets of the universe onto the skin of your tongue. But you can take it out on a fucking date, if you want to.

"You can meditate. You can dream. You can learn to wake up inside your dreams and consciously move them. Some people run, or play music, or study esoteric lore and etch sigils from long-dead languages into their skin, or hike or fuck or whatever to find their way there. Through.

"I mean, it's easier if you find someone whose beliefs match yours. Or hell, a Tradition, a whole load of someones. Because they give you a skeleton, a scaffolding overwhich you can lay your skin. Through whose teachings you can find your way back to yourself. Right now, you're building the frame from the inside out, you know? That's fine, that's cool. You've got to start looking, though."

Alexander

Sera talks, Alexander looks down at her hand as he listens. He lifts his hand to study the tattoos on her, following the pattern of the scissors up and around her wrist. His fingers hover over the ring, feeling the ghost of someone else there. His hand rests down on hers again, although with care not to touch the ring. That feeling, that soaring radiance, isn’t familiar to him. Maybe another who had passed on from the city, someone before his time?

“When you put it like that, it almost sounds like we’re bordering on schizophrenic. I’m told that people see their avatars in different ways. I’d ask if that was down to how we believe it should be, but I didn’t even know the things existed until after you scraped me off the road that afternoon, so I tend to think they appear in a particular way that’s specific to them. Even assuming that something from that screwed up day was mine making its presence known. I’m still not entirely sure, you know? I remember the dreams, I remember the nightmare that came after. And I’m not sure of it makes much more sense than it did then.”

Alex looks up from the table, dark eyes searching for and meeting Sera’s again. “I’ve tried talking to people about how they see the world working, but none of it really sounds right to me. I thought for a while that I’d have something more in common with Sasha, but it turns out the whole belief in fate thing is a bit of a sticking point. So all I really can do is work this out as I go along. Talking to you and Kalen does help, though. I don’t think I say this often enough to you guys: thank you.”

His hand leaves Sera’s and reaches into a pocket, pulling out a Zippo lighter. He flicks it open, sparking the flame into life with a thumb, before standing the lighter on the table. The hand waves over the flame, feeling the heat rising off it.

“I guess I’m just feeling my way through it. A lot of it so far has been… I’d say sensual, but I’m not sure that’s quite the right way of putting it. I’m not saying any magic words, I’m not praying to anything divine. It’s more that certain things sensations seem to have more depth to them than they used to. Like the first day, when everything seemed so much clearer, so much brighter.

“I think of all the people that I’ve talked to about this stuff, you’re possibly the one who gets that most.”

Serafíne

Dark eyes dart down as he fixes on the pattern of the sharkscissors. They weren't inked on her at the same time, but seem so unnaturally natural together that no one who guesses ever gets it right.

"Sometimes people think we're schizophrenic. Sometimes we do go mad. Or maybe some of those folks we think of as mad are just seeing and hearing entirely real, entirely different worlds. I mean, all the definitions are pretty shit, as far as I'm concerned. Where's the wonder, hmm?

"And it's fine for you to think about your Avatar however you want. Separate, mysterious, unapproachable. I didn't - " a brief, sharp breath out, " - really reach down and acknowledge and accede that she was me and I was her, all along until my last seeking. I really went seeking then. Before that, she kinda - " wry again, "pushed me into the seeking. And after, I was scared that she was going to - take me over, somehow. Swallow me whole. Steal the part of me that was me and turn me into her.

"It's kinda like a hero's journey, you know? A quest. An odyssey, maybe, or a descent to the underworld to steal the queen of summer back and banish barren winter. You can prepare yourself for it, though. You can court it, if you want. If you're ready." And god, she's passionate about this.

"When do you feel most yourself?"

Alexander

[Arete, forces: sensing heat. Coincidental, so diff 4.]

Dice: 1 d10 TN4 (4) ( success x 2 ) [WP]

Alexander

“Oh, I can definitely believe that there are some people locked up and drugged up who are seeing things that other people are blind to.” Alex waves continues to hold his hand over the flame, looking down into its brightness as there’s a bending of reality as he pushes. “I guess I was lucky that I had you guys around when I woke up. I dread to think how hard it would have been to get some kind of control over this without it.” His vision deepens, colours becoming more distinct. More vivid, where things were hotter; duller where the cold air of the night sucked away heat. “Maybe some people just don’t believe in wonder. I can certainly understand how that can happen.” His fingers move, dancing between eddies of warm air that rise from the flame.

“It sounds like there’s no right answer to much of this. Just answers for the right now.”

When do you feel most yourself?

It takes a while before he answers that one. His brow furrows a little, showing the silence as time taken to thing rather than an attempt to avoid the question. He does answer, though, although he’s quieter than he was before. “I think I’m most sure of myself when I know what I’m doing is right. I don’t mean legal, I mean really, truly, right. Trying to give the Message his identity back. Standing up to Victoria. Trying to give peace to the families of people who have been dragged into the less wondrous side of what we do. It’s like the doubts and the questions disappear, so all there is is… me.”

Serafíne

"Someone told me once," the twist of her mouth in that moment is so briefly and deeply evocative: of love, and pain, and all the accretions between, "that I should find something that made me feel - a certain way, right? And do it, again and again, until it came true. That that's ritual: right? Intention, repetition. Focus.

"I was feeling - " her eyes close. Her throat does, too, but only just, "filthy and he said I should find something that made me feel clean, and do it until it became real.

"He was right. It worked. You could engage in ritual of your own, you know. To push yourself toward that threshold, yeah? To court it. To call to whatever it is in you that animates you and your magick. And you need to listen, too.

"Sometimes they push you and you fall down a rabbit hole, like Alice, right? Sometimes they just beckon, and it's all up to you. You have to go look. You have to seek. Make sense?"

Alexander

There’s another silence, there. A weight hanging over Alex, or holding him back. Something that doesn’t make it as easy as it could be. But, then, maybe that’s part of the odyssey. He doesn’t meet her gaze, now. No, there’s the flame and the swirling currents of air flowing above it. Her presence is felt, but beyond their table? The clattering of cutlery on crockery, the sounds drifting out from the kitchen, the other conversations carrying on around them? They drift from notice. He asks a question, although it’s maybe a little unclear who he’s asking it of. Sera? Himself? The universe, maybe?

“What happens if doing that turns you into something you don’t want to be? What happens if trying to do the right thing turns you into the monster?”

He takes a breath, letting out a slow, deep sigh. “I imagine Victoria started out thinking that she was doing the right thing. But look how she ended up. The road to hell, and all that.

“Who the hell gave me the right to decide what’s right?”

Serafíne

"Everyone has the right to decide what's right. Fucking everyone. I mean, a helluva lot of them get it wrong, or don't care, or are all me first, or God, or Leviticus, or whatever. But everyone makes a choice for themselves. Right? Maybe with consultation, maybe because you read some rules in one book or another. Maybe because you feel it, and feeling is important.

"And I don't think, not for one goddamned minute, that Victoria thought she was doing the right thing. She was murdering people and eating them because she decided that they were lesser and she wanted power and didn't give a fuck how she got it. All you have to do is figure out your rules and maybe test them against other systems. You know: like no cannabalism, or do unto others as you would have them do until you, or don't be a fucking asshole.

"Alot of people get to be powerful assholes. Trying, actively trying, to do the right thing will not turn you into a monster. Especially if in the course of trying to do the right thing you periodically stop yourself and ask: am I being a cannibal? Am I fucking people over for Reason or God or because it makes me feel righteous or because I'm more concerned with saving my own ass, or my own image, or whatver? Am I helping someone? Am I taking their needs and wants into consideration? Am I treating them with love, as enlightened beings who have the right to make their own choices and their own mistakes, at least up to the point where those choices and mistakes do not cause other people harm?

"I mean, magick's hard, but that bit - all those fucking bits. I'm pretty sure you have them all down, man."

Alexander

“For all their flaws, I don’t think the Order generally take on murdering, flesh-eating psychopaths. No, I’m pretty sure she started out as human as the rest of us. Along comes some way of getting an advantage over the bad guys, and then it’s one little step after another little step until? Until she had to be stopped, because all those little steps had made her into something else.” He waves his hand with a little more energy, a little closer to the lighter. The flame flickers and dances in the moving air.

“A while back you asked me what I’m scared of. I never gave you an answer.” Finally he looks back up from the flame, meeting her eyes again. “Now I have. Right now, it’s not so hard to tell right from wrong. But, hell, if seeing more of the world than before has done one thing, it’s that there are so many shades of gray. Is it right that people are preyed on because the group of bad guys who are doing it are less bad than the ones they replaced? Is it right that there are people trying to engineer a turf war with no regard to the people caught in the crossfire? The definition of right is just as fluid as the rest of reality, and cares about as much about who it grins into the ground. How do you know when the gray you're stepping into is too close to the black when the shades are almost indistinguishable?”

Serafíne

"None of that is unique to what we are, Alex." The creature returns, earnest and passionate at the self-same time. "Not a goddamned piece of it. Right? It's part and parcel of all human history. It's - " a short, sharp breath out. " - hell, I'm not a fucking professor, but you shouldn't be afraid that you might someday do the wrong thing. Error is written into the process. It's inscribed in our skin. There's no - "

A supple twist of some blooming something threads her brows.

"Philosophers and ethicists and poets and preachers have been wrestling questions about absolute and relative morality for thousands of years. There is no -

"There are people who - "

An indrawn breath; this abrupt cessation has her snapping a look away from him, toward the windows. The dark and quiet streets beyond.

"Even at the end. You still have a choice. Everyone does. And it's not all monsters and shadow-wars, you know? You get to see the world. Touch the building blocks of reality. Live with awareness and intention in a way that most people never will. Remember that, okay?"

Alexander

There’s a faint smile, tinged with a wistful melancholy. “If only it was that easy. It’s not like the monsters and the wars care who they drag into gray with them. It just seems so damned hard when there’s always something end of the world coming along. I do try, but…” He shrugs, but there’s a catch in the movement. A catch followed by a slight turn, so that he can turn his coat over on the seat next to him, so that he can unzip a pocket and briefly check the contents. There’s a brief glow in the pocket before a couple of chemical glowsticks – one green and one blue the type you snap to light up - are pulled out. He turns back, offers them to Sera.

“Sometimes it’s easier to find… if not wonder, then at least peace, in the mundane. I suppose that’s another time where I feel most myself. When I find a way to drown out the thoughts and the doubts and just, well. Be.”

“I doubt I’d be the first to find some forgotten part of myself on a dance floor, right?”

Serafíne

Something about her in that moment - the strange, elegant incision of her profile against the impressionistic darkness, the supple thread of her mouth. The way she holds herself so-still in a manner that seems - perhaps strikingly, for a Sera - so very far away.

Singular.

Aching.

But she closes her dark eyes, swallows around the knot in her throat, finds herself wanting in ways both nameless and attainable, on the other side. Gives herself over to it, too, the way she so often does. Even as he checks his pocket and reaches for the glow sticks. She's turned back to him by then, gives him a rough, wry twist of her mouth. Opens her hand for one and runs the meat of her thumb along its edge.

"Maybe it's not mundane for you, then. Maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe that shit's your ritual, you know? Movement, exertion, exhaustion. Losing yourself, fuck if I know."

Alexander

He releases one clear plastic tube as Sera pulls it away, twisting the remaining one around in his fingers. “The hell if I know. But, I dunno. Maybe it’s like what you were saying about people putting themselves in the way. What if that’s what I’m doing, and the part of me that I know about is stopping me from finding that other part that I haven’t worked out? Does that even make sense? Like… the wood and the trees thing?”

Alex shakes his head, not really sure it makes any more sense to himself that it may – or may not – make to her. He sets the glowstick down on the table, picking up the still-lit zippo and holding it between them. The flame continues to flicker and dances in the air currents circulating through the diner, pushed into motion again every time the door opens and cold air spills into the enclosed space. The flame is watched for a few seconds more before he snaps the lighter closed.

“Does this shit get any easier?”

Serafíne

"Nothing worth doing is ever really easy, Alex. You know that, right?" Quick little smirk. Less raw than her earlier expression but still somehow hunted, haunted. Withheld. "I mean, it's a cliche but there's truth to it. But if you want a smooth life, hell. Learn some probability tricks and move to the Caribbean and make yourself quietly rich and live on the beach and watch the sun set every day. The challenges get harder.

"The rest of it, though. All this back-and-forth in your head? It will get easier.

"If you let it."

Sera twists in the booth then, looks back at the crowd she came in with. They're getting up again now, having consumed some solid, greasy food, they're ready to leave.

"We're going to an after-hours club, if you wanna come."

Alexander

“Yeah, I know. It would just be nice if reality could give people a break every once in a while, you know? But then that would need reality to actually care.” There is a moment of reflection when Sera suggests disappearing to a beach somewhere and twisting reality to live comfortably. It does sound nice, living without much of a care other than watching the sun set every day. But? “As tempting as that sounds, I think I’d get bored. After all, where’s the challenge in it?” A smile, a genuine smile, returns to his face. “I’ll keep in mind for retirement, though.”

Unvoiced: assuming I survive that long.

Sera twists and offers an opening for the night to continue. It had been winding down, when he had come here. He’d come for food and for coffee and to kill time before the next train to head out west. But now?

Alex rolls his shoulders, working at a knot somewhere between his shoulder blades, before picking up the so-far-untouched cup of coffee waiting at the edge of the table. “I’d like that.” The cup is quickly drained and a few notes – covering the pancakes and coffee, along with a decent tip – are left by it on the table.